Your Mailbox Is Full (of It)

But there is one little unexpected wrinkle.

After I have the text conversation with Scott and put it to rest a little less gracefully than I'd like to have, I feel sort of crappy. 

Not guilty about a date with someone new.
Not badly that I've pushed him away, sort of.
Not flumoxed by the fact that I've made contact.

It is hard to explain.

I feel like I had an opportunity to talk to Scott and didn't.  I could have shared and I could have asked and I could have railed against him. And I didn't.

And I don't know why, but I just didn't feel like going down that road. It would be a long, dark, rocky road and I'd be on a unicycle.

I feel like I had a chance and didn't take it. And I am not sure that won't someday come back to haunt me.

But then a few days later something strange happens. 

I get an email from Scott. Not a text. An actual email. 

"Liza - Someone suggested that I read your blog. And I have. I'm glad I did. Wonderful writing. It's a shame Scott turned out to be such a jerk. I'm sorry. I'm glad you've met someone. I wish you the best."

It took me completely by surprise. He'd always known about the blog. It was no secret. He'd never been interested.  Or maybe it wasn't that. He said it was my private space - not that it was very private at all. 

When I first read it it seemed like he had gone digging through my purse. Like he'd gone looking for something in my diary and had confirmed his suspicions.  I almost felt guilty. Busted.

And I responded in kind.

"Scott, you were always welcome to read my blog. And you shocked everyone with your vanishing act. I deserved better than that after making you the center of my life and my childrens' lives for two years.  Even if I never actually had a place in yours.

I had a million things I'd wanted to talk with you about when you left. I wrote instead. 

I wish you the best as well. I hope you find whatever it is that will make you happy.

Liza"

Send.

And almost immediately, I regret it.