And in Retrospect

And I wonder who it was that suggested to Scott that he read this blog. It was a curious statement to make.  I don't doubt for a moment that it is true. He wouldn't have any reason to make that up.

I have my suspicions. Several potential suspects, actually. 

One who would be interested, for her own selfish reasons, in getting us back together so that I would be removed at once from the competitive game of dating, which frankly seems like a roller derby to me now.  And she'd have access. And the nerve.

So ask him about that. He says he hasn't heard from her at all.

And that could be true. But she's dumb like a fox, she would have told him to say that.

And there is the former teacher that Scott and I both have in common. Great guy. Was a remarkable teacher. And hilarious.  I could see Scott reaching out to him and him saying, he should man up and call me or if that is too much to bear, read the damn blog, idiot.

I reach out the the teacher and mention the whole episode to him. He does not seem to have known in advance but is glad to know that Scott is now completely aware of the havoc he caused simply because he could not face breaking up with me responsibly.

All the conversations I wanted to have with him. The questions I had. The confusion from my children. 
He knows it all. And he knows that all of the discussions I wanted to have with him I instead had with Charlotte. And Kate and Priscilla and Joy and Jill.  And Rocky and Christopher and Jane and Craig.
And myself. Because he could not find it in his heart to avail himself.

And look where it has gotten him. And me.

He says he's happy I've met someone. I am not so sure he is, but what else is he going to say?  And he had to let me know he knew. 

And further, he knows my thoughts on ever turning back. I love with all my heart. If there was ever any lingering doubts or fears that he would turn tail and scram again, I'd forever want to hold something back. And I'd never be able to be happy like that.

And the fact of the matter is, I have moved on. I want to move on.  I need to move on. I will keep moving on. I never thought I would say so, but I have put this horror show in my past.