And Now He Knows

And here is why.

Scott's gone looking for information. He has figured out the my blog would be the way to get information simply. Effortlessly. Without my knowing.

When a few months ago he could have parted his lips and simply asked. I hold nothing back. I will always talk with you. If it's on your mind it should be on mine...so let's chat, shall we?

Or he could have, at the time, asked Charlotte. Or any one of my close friends that he'd come to know.  But no, in a rash carpet bombing gesture (one of so many, I'd find) he defriended us all on Facebook. I don't think anyone would entertain a conversation with him now. Or at least one that did not start with them saying something like "You big fat dickhead! Of all the lousy, chicken-shit things to do..." Nope. Not gonna happen.

So he turned to the blog - presumably in a moment of desperate curiosity.  Very ingenious of him. Of course it was there in his list of preferred websites on his computer. And he read my heart.

And I am a little worried about what he might decide to do with that information. 

On one hand it is a relief that he's read all that I wrote.  All of my most raw, painful, moments. How I reacted to his cruelty. How my children felt so jilted. How they cried for me in my sadness. My horror as the week unfolded and I realized he was breaking up with me and not actually telling me.

The desperation. The sleeplessness. He must feel like a heel knowing how my friends reacted. Responded to my grief with such unexpected gestures and kindness. To have made so many enemies of perfect strangers and friends alike in one broad sweeping act of biting disrespect. 

There is a sense of satisfaction that I did not overtly chastise him. That I took the high road and didn't lambaste him in my anger.  That he's been able to read in black and white the consequences of his behavior.  He could not envision having a conversation, and could further not imagine the aftermath. Now he doesn't have to.

And now instead of using this twist of fate for something healing and good. I twist the knife it's put in his side just a half turn.

And I am not at all sure that was the right thing to do.