Two Steps Forward, Two Steps Back

Could it be possible that my writing this blog and blogging my most painful, gut-wrenching moments was as good for Scott to have read as it was for me to have written? 

He had unfriended me and all of our connections when he'd left...a brutally painful thing, I recall. But I had taken it as a gesture that said, "I don't want you in my life anymore but I don't care to watch yours unfold on Facebook either.  Go live your life...I just don't want to bear witness."  Maybe he'd been afraid I'd openly snark. Maybe he was not all that jazzed about watching me move on and posting away as I did. Maybe he just wanted a clean break. Maybe that's what people do. 

But now, he'd gone and voluntarily read things I'd never express on FB and he seems completely fine with all of it.

When he'd finally said something to me as he exited our relationship, he'd mentioned that he hoped we could some day be friends. And I thought that was insane. I didn't want a friend. I wanted what I'd had. All of it. Not some diluted, low-fat, pasteurized version of it.

Had that day finally come?  I mean, I don't envision us meeting for coffee or going shopping together, but would an occassional friendly text be out of the question?  It's not like we live near one another. I won't be making any impromptu suggestions that we run out and grab a beer.  And I know we won't be talking about each other's dating fiascos. And I am certainly never going to sit in a pew in church watching him get married to someone for whom I've just bought and wrapped a nice Osterizer food processor and written a card wishing them a happy everafter.

But keeping in touch seems to make sense, sort of. Doesn't it?  Or does it?

Facebook has changed all the rules of engagement (and breaking an engagement, actually) and I am not sure what the etiquette is on this type of thing. In the absence of FB and smartphones, would Scott and I be exchanging cards and letters?  Doubtful. But years ago, we did once in a while. What do we do now in the parameters of friendship?

I am not at all sure how to use Facebook or texting on this landscape. I am not sure of what is known as Proper Use.

But I do know one thing.

I know what improper use looks like. And my old friend that I'd sent the frosty text to was rearing her ugly little warped head again.  Apparently, untying was not going to be enough to get her to cease and desist.  Something just might have to be cut.

I will spend a few days sharpening the scissors before I do anything.