Sins of Omission

And this year as in so many others past, there was the elephant-in-the-room question, “What about Joe?”

It’s the gift that keeps on giving. The perpetual font. The eternity pool of swill that will forever torment all of us and grasp at the loose thread of our holiday tapestry and unravel it like a cheap sweater.

In big families, as I’ve said before, Joe would not be an issue. Every family has one of those relatives. The guest that defaults to whatever party he has not been specifically banned from attending who no one wants to specifically invite. But in a big family, the qualities that render him uninvitable would be diluted by so much family. And in big families, no one takes a headcount, because chances are, you have too many people to notice if one was left off the list. Too many people to keep track of. Maybe one is on vacation in Miami. Maybe one is in jail. Maybe one has better plans. It is not a glaring omission.

But in small families – where there are only 3 sibs, the omission is in fact glaring. Like a flare. A caution flag. A strobe.

And maybe Estelle knew she was on thin ice this year and didn’t push the issue much. Charlotte nearly caved again and thought about inviting him. Or maybe she really really needs that Get Out of Hell Free card, but she sent me a text asking me if she thought it was a good idea.

Ok, maybe good is a strong word. She really meant to ask if she was out of her cotton-pickin’ mind to even be considering such a hare brained idea.

She says she would make it very clear that it is for Mom’s benefit only and would not become a regular thing.

Let’s be even clearer. Nothing is clear to Mom. She says she understands and says to herself that you really don't mean that and everything will be hunky-dory forever and ever amen.

And it will be even less clear to our brother, who is even more dimly-witted and who will assume all the sins have been forgotten and that he can resume behaving like an ass and taking the usual liberties with your home, your possessions, and all manner of hospitality. Your patience will be hacked to collops in a matter of minutes.

I write back:

I think it would be nice. But you know with him you have to set limits like “I will fire a gun at you if you arrive before X time, and you and your merry band of trolls must have said your goodbyes and be in your car, and said car must be moving down the street away from my home at a reasonably high speed by Y time or there will be bloodshed. And do not leave Mom to do the inviting. I realize you’d rather burst into flame than speak to him but if you let her extend the invitation it will not be menacing enough and both of them will “ take liberties.” That is where our problems began last year. If you do not show him the love, hers will be the first shot over the bow. And Estelle never misses.I encouraged her to make the decision soberly and in consultation with her family.

She didn’t need to. She decided against martyrdom and skipped the whole thing.

But that was before Joe called with his latest news just a day before Christmas Eve.