Boomerang

You'd think that slamming into his car with a rented U-Haul would have put the finishing touches on my relationship with Lars but it did not, surprisingly enough.

I embarked on an adventure that I thoroughly enjoyed and from which I have abundant memories and enduring friendships, and have been inspired by many of the experiences I had at the time, but never really did eradicate Lars from my life like an unwelcome rodent.

But to be truthful, he did not compare all that unfavorably to a lot of the guys I met. And he wasn't all bad. I wasn't looking for an overhaul. I was looking for some alterations. Minor things that would make a huge difference. Like when you finally wear the right bra.

And what I was really hoping to gain was leverage.

It is hard to make demands when you have fallen into a rut.
It is hard to insist on something when you know and he knows you are going to get in the same bed at night anyway.
It is hard to carry out an ultimatum when you share a home.
It is hard to stick to your guns when you have more to lose than you hope to gain.
And it is hard to recognize the moment when you've caved so often that you've lost any foothold on equal partnership. Unless your the person whose kept the foothold. Then you know you are in the proverbial catbird seat. Untouchable. Judgement-proof. Go-ahead-try-me confident.

A little distance can help a lot with that.

"If you aren't going to come pick me up for our date then we aren't having a date."
"If we don't have plans together I'm making plans with my friends."
"Sorry I can't join you on your vacation to rural Tennessee. I am taking a road trip to The Cape with my girlfriends and that leaves me a little short of time I can spend traveling on trips to completely undesirable places to yawn my way through a week's worth of barbecue, grits, tumbleweeds and inane conversation with your idiot relatives."
"I have things to do at my house this weekend. If you'd like to spend some time together, then I suppose you can pack a bag for once and inconvenience yourself by having to plan ahead for every social possibility."
"I am not interested in that movie. If you'd like to see it, by all means go see it. I am going to make plans with Kate."
"If you are going to speak to me like that, I don't anticipate staying around while you heap on the abuse. You can change your tune or I can take my show on the road. Call me when you can commit to that."

And so, little by little, I gained a some foothold with Lars. Leveled the playing field. Regained a little leverage.

And what was better, Kate and some of the friends I'd met through her absolutely loved him. We laughed. We enjoyed each other. We valued each other.

And when a tragedy struck close to home, and one of our dearest friends was diagnosed with a terminal illness, we took stock in our lives and evaluated what was truly important to us in this life.

And not even a year after having smashed Lars car and ridden off to a new home with the gals, my engagement ring was back on my left hand and would stay there.