The Origins of Insanity

I think we've already established that my biggest mistake in this life (so far, anyway) was to have children with The World's Biggest Asshole.

That is to say, the mistake was not in having the children, per se, as Hil and Pat are the light of my life and have been since conception. The mistake was in who I chose to procreate with. (I give myself a little break in knowing that it is customary to have children with the person you are married to, so once I went down that road, the choices for fathers was pretty limited.)

Lars was a marginal spouse from the start, but I wasn't totally unhappy. I had great friends and a nice career and interesting things in my life that plugged all the holes and filled in gaps that would normally be fulfilled by a spouse. I don't expect a spouse to cover all the deficits. That is really asking a lot from one person. And if a spouse could be everything, then what would you need other people and interests for? I would think that would be lonely.

Anyway, it wasn't until we had Pat and Hil, in one-two punch succession after months of fertility treatment that I began to notice that things were unraveling.

I have actually voiced the question that wonders if all the fertility problems, and failures to conceive and unsuccessful drug therapies were all God's way of trying to tell me that having children with Lars was not something He specifically endorsed. And that by having Pat and then conceiving Hil 4 months later was a gift. A gift from Him to each other. So they would not have to endure what would eventually happen alone.

Lars is a nut. But he comes by his insanity honestly. His parents were awful. Should have gone to jail for things they did and things they failed to do and things they stood idly by and let happen to their children. His story reads like a Quentin Tarantino movie plot. Outrageous characters. Incredible plot lines. Cringe-worthy horror.

The fact that Lars' parents were substance-abusing self absorbed nutcases is only half the story. Despite the abuse and neglect, Lars and at least one of his siblings went on to be somewhat successful. Appeared to have overcome all of that.

But I have said before, right here in these pages, that nothing brings out your family weirdness like a wedding or a new baby. And that can only be magnified 100 times over when they are your own wedding and baby.

And shortly after Pat was born and Hil came screaming into the world 13 months later, while both little darlings were still in diapers, all the demons that plagued Lars for years and had quieted themselves and gone into hiding for a time, came home to roost.

Only by then, there was a new family in the coop.