You've Got Mail

Lars is in Delaware. I didn't even have to snoop to find this out. One more reason to love Facebook.

The next morning I am seated at my desk when the familiar ding emits from my iPhone. It's a little ding of joy. Someone has messaged me. Scott sending me a little love note and a few x's and o's? One of my girlfriends looking for a partner for happy hour later today? A Friend Request from a long lost pal?

It's my former boss. She's on vacation at a Delaware beach resort with her huge extended family and is stroking out because of a Lars Sighting as she calls it. Relates the whole surreal story. As she was walking along the boardwalk with her sister enjoying herself she practically slammed into his Royal Nastiness. I am imagining a doubletake and a little skeeved out Get-It-Off-Me dance. She wants to confirm that it absolutely is him. She may need shots.

I peice together the details for her and encourage her to get her money back. No one should have to pay for a vacation where Lars shares the zip code.

With a little more intel, I do a quick Google search and figure out which seminar he's attending and when I can expect it to end. And when I can reasonably expect a response to my e-mail.

Today, evidently.

An hour or so later, I get another familiar ding on my phone. The email ding. Sadly, not distinct from the spam ding. I glance at the phone, not encouraged.

But it is from Lars afterall, and I am pitting out at the possibilities. Let the games begin.

It is a simple one line email. "Liza will be supervising the children."

Really? Not according to the children themselves! Does he think I don't talk to them? Hello, Lars. Get a grip. The children talk to me. About an alarming array of topics and to a surprising depth. They know and share way more than you'd think. You'd be wise to understand that. They have opinions and a lot to say about them. You may want to initiate a conversation here and again. You'd find it enlightening.

Oh the things I wish I could say and have heard.

I stop walking (I am in a neighboring building buying a latte to soothe my soul) and tap out a very direct e-mail reply.

"That's great. I will need to see an airline ticket issued in her name. Today, please. I am not playing games."

Send.

Who's sweating now?