Meanwhile, Back at Cartier

I have almost been too distracted by the latest SNAFU to remember that I have a very expensive watch to retrieve from Cartier & The House of Snobbery.


How could I forget?


Let me tell you.


When I was busy being scrutinized and sized up as a potentially fraudulent Cartier watch owner at worst, recipient of fenced jewelry at best, I recall hearing the very prim, dry-cleaned, starched to the point of discomfort, piss pot of a woman tell me that their technician would be in on Tuesday ("Tyooooooooz-day") and that I would hear from them a day or so later.


By my calculations, not only has Tyoooooooz-day come and gone, but much more than a day or so more has as well. And I have not gotten a call.


So I call them. They do not keep traditional retail hours like the rest of the Mall, (hoping to distinguish themselves from the Bangles And Beads folks, for sure) so I get an answering machine. French accent and all, asking that I please accept their apologies for not being available, blahdee blahdee blah.


At the sound of the beep (not in a French accent) I leave a terse message (Also not in a French accent. But that would have been very funny. Maybe next time.)


After stating my name and my receipt number, I indicate that on such and such day I presented in their store seeking a battery replacement for my watch, and was told by a MUCH OLDER woman who I would like nothing more to identify by name, but can't because, you see, she neither wore a name badge, which I am sure is in accordance with Cartier's strict Appearance and Attire policy, nor introduced herself to me, so preoccupied was she with my atrocious mall attire, that your technician would evaluate my watch on Tyoooooz-day and I would hear from you a day or so later, and not only have I not heard from you, at least one more Tyooooz-day has come and gone since I had my unfortunate conversation with Miss Nameless, and I'd like to know what is happening with my watch. And I'd like the watch itself back on my arm. And I'd like a call back tomorrow, if that isn't asking tyoooo much of Cartier.

Click. Or maybe I should say, "clique."

The next day, just before noon, I get a call from a meek-sounding, almost apologetic woman named Frances. She claims to have "just this minute" gotten my watch back from Quality Assurance (puh-lease) and they have replaced the battery. The cost to me is $65 (for a $10 battery) and I can pick it up anytime (anytime my free time corresponds directly with their extremely brief and uninviting store hours, seemingly designed to attract only those shoppers who aren't limited by things like jobs.)

Oh and they recommend that I take my watch to be services every year.

At $65 a pop, I bet they do.

I am going to pay a visit to Frances on Saturday. I have a story to share with her.