School Daze

I am certain I have contracted Black Lung from having navigated the sub-basement halls of the Middle School two nights in a row.

Or maybe it is just some errant germ that rubbed off on me from one of the other parents jammed into the aging hallways that are half the width due to the "renovation."

And they cram a bunch of fast-moving pre-teens with escalating hormone levels in here everyday with 4 minutes to get to class? Better get some of that nasal spray you use to avoid getting an airborne illness breathing the recycled in-flight air.

And once again, I get the full-strength pleasure of sitting with Lars for an evening of entertainment. I am not so entertained, but those around us are, no doubt.

Lars has no discernible ability to go with the flow. I can't tell whether it is blind ignorance or plain old fashioned rude disregard for anyone else. But his agenda, no matter how pathetic, takes precedence over all else.

For instance, we have, as a classroom full of parents, exactly 10 minutes to hear what the teacher feels is important for us to know, and for us to quietly assess how warm and fuzzy or strict and miserable he or she is, how his or her grading system works, what his or her behavioral/conduct/classroom/workstyle hot buttons are, and how best to reach him or her in the event of some kind of earth shattering academic crisis.

Lars, in his unwavering focus on himself, needs to grab the last waning seconds of our time together to monopolize the teacher to talk about our child. He makes his approach just as she has dismissed us seconds ahead of the bell so we might go on creaking knees to the next class.

I am not saying that everyone does not secretly desire to chat one to one with the teacher. Everyone else just realizes that that is what conferences are for.

And since there is nothing of any real substance to discuss 10 days and two holidays into the academic calendar, the teachers have little to say (even when they realize which pupil belongs to this particular lunatic). So Lars proceeds to ask leading questions - questions asked for the purpose of eliciting compliments and reassuring comments about our child's academic potential.

I have been hovering nearby, ready to disrupt any uncomfortable moments, and hoping to muster the courage to cover his face with a Wawa bag to get him to stop if necessary, when I realize in horror, that by standing there, I am an inadvertent party to the assault on the poor teacher.

I close my gaping mouth and turn to go to the next class. I am hoping to find a seat at a table with no room for Lars when he arrives.