It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year

So Mom has fired a shot over the bough, and since it was a little scattered (more buckshot than cannonball) it was not a shot that inflicted any mortal wounds.

Good thing. I have Back-To-School to deal with.

Summer just isn't what it used to be for school-aged kids. Not only are they not careening around the neighborhood all day on bicycles (sans helmets, natch) without the burden of adult supervision or the overbearing reminders about sun screen, or without the threat of pedophiles, kidnappers, rapists or drug dealers who have infiltrated the suburbs, they are also not free from worry about cyber bullying, cell phone envy, West Nile virus, texting drivers, obscene television and prepackaged foods with killer trans fat.

Nor are they free to while away the hours laying on a freshly mowed lawn looking at the clouds taking on this shape or that, sweaty from a game of kickball and enjoying a grape soda loaded with red dye #2.

Because they have homework.

Reading - two to three books from particular genres, by specific authors and limited to a selective list of acceptable titles.

Projects - based on the reading! Usually a written project and some form of creative obligation. Like an artfully decorated cereal box depicting the characters and plot elements of one of the books. Preferably in 3-D. Using dry food products like macaroni or Lifesavers - but please no nut products so the allergen-free kids can be in the room when the projects are on display and not be constantly reaching for the Epi-pen.

And a Math packet - because nothing says "Summertime and the livin' is easy" like endless rows of challenging ways to solve for X.

And since the books on the list of accepted literature are rarely in the library, and since the books from last year's list are rarely if ever on the current list, thereby squelching one of the few advantages to having kids 13 months apart, we get to order them all on line and pay shipping to boot.

And since the kids are in camp now instead of being randomly supervised on a day full of nothing but fun, they are tired. It's like they have jobs. And who wants to read the biography of a pioneer after 8 hours of planned fun with kids you would have otherwise never befriended, and supervised by college kids with out sufficient talent to get better jobs?

So having taken the books on every long car ride and on every vacation, we are prepared to start the projects.

Safety scissors, contact paper, Elmers Glue All and markers in hand, we take tot he craft table to create something that is doomed to fall apart in the backpack on the way to school on the first day.

Mostly because it will be competing for space with all of the dozens of items we purchase dot satisfy the Mandatory School Supply List.