If X, Then Y

I know I need to close the book on things with Scott. I hate loose ends. I am the type that likes to wrap things up in a bow and put it on a shelf for ever more, knowing that the box need never be opened. The details have all been wrapped up and resolved.

But since Scott has always had a magnetic pull on my heart, I need to be feeling pretty full of myself and superior to do so. That is the only way I'd be strong enough to dig in my heels if he began to try to reel me in.

I need another date. I need to nail down some plans with Craig (that's his name, Craig Reeve) and be feeling good about the possibilities before I say what I have to say. Otherwise I am doomed. Even though in my heart and soul I am confident that I will never turn around and look back in that direction. Scott has always had a way to put a whammy on this heart of mine. For decades now.

Craig and I said we'd get together again, but some time has gone by. Life has gotten in the way, and the flu. And the usual routine things that would prevent either of us from just getting up and going anywhere. (Kids, work, other plans, other obligations...the usual drill at this age)

Craig and I continue to talk all the time, and I suggest that I am open to the possibility of plans...but after a while I feel like I am nagging. Or chasing. Or some heinous combination of the two.  Such lovely qualities are bound to be lurking in the heart of the nagging chasing desperate woman.

And then out of the blue, as we head into a weekend where there is no possibility that I'd see him, he texts me a suggestion that we get together the following weekend and asks if I am available for any of it.

Of course I already have an obligation on one evening, but I tell him I am free on the other and that I'd love to see him.

And he suggests some plans. Perfect plans that I can look forward to all week.

I need to find time to get my eyebrows waxed. And my toes done.  I need to make sure that I don't inadvertently gain 20 pounds during the week. I need to make sure that my grays are covered.

And I immediately set about getting Hil to help me with outfit possibilities. I'll need to have several - right down to the shoes and jewelry until I know what we'll be doing. I don't want to show up for a dinner date and find out that we're snowboarding instead.

And as I flit around the house assembling suitable ensembles, I am planning to reply to Scott's text. Simple and short. That I really have no idea what to say to him.