Two Days and a Butt Dial Later

"OK, I can do this, " I tell myself.

I drive home without calling Scott. I would normally call as soon as I'd reached the downside of the bridge when I'd be sure not to lose the call over the water. Not tonight.

I put on a brave face with the kids. I have introduced the idea that Scott and I may be heading for a crossroads, but realize that it is happening to them as much as it is happening to me and I need to be sensitive. Like my nerves could be any more exposed.

I make dinner. I post musings on Facebook. I pack lunches. I obsessively check my phone every two minutes for missed calls or texts. Of course there are none.

I toss and turn through the night and push on through election day.  I vote, I go to work, I distract myself to the best of my ability.

I check my phone throughout election night, keeping one eye on the election returns and one eye on my text message page. The returns are far less disappointing.

Wednesday morning arrives and I am convinced that it has some magical meaning. Because my friends predict he'd call today, I am hopeful he will. They clearly know more about everything than I do.

I drive to work, and as I get out of my car, it happens.

I hear ringing.

No, my phone is not ringing for me to answer it. It is dialing out.

I look inside my purse where I have just thrown my phone and see that it is lit...and OMG ---

I AM CALLING SCOTT!!!!

Nooooooooooo!!!! I do not want to call Scott! I want to give him space! Appear aloof!  Go with the flow! 

I reach in and end the call before it goes to voicemail.

And thinking quickly, I try to recover. And probably overdo it.

I text. Like any hapless moron would.

"Sorry. Butt dialed you getting out of my car."

And I am immediately filled with regret. Is there an un-send button?

One of two things will happen. He will reply something completely benign and non-committal like "OK" or absolutely nothing. Both will kill me for sure. I'll be dead before the parking garage elevator hits the ground floor.

My phone dings. The moment of truth.

"No problem. Have a good day. Stay warm."

WTF?

I text back, almost hopeful. "You too. Chat later?"

And nothing.