No Resume Necessary

And while we are on the subject of the job seeking mambo being more like the dating site cha-cha, what if job applicants did not have to provide a resume per se, but instead composed a little advertisement for themselves? One that would tell you what they really want you to know about them besides their typing speed or where they did their clinical rotations?

No more bullshit about what you've accomplished in your career. Just a checklist of skills you possess and then a personal advertisement. The advertisements would have to be more compelling than some of the cover letters I've been forced to read over the last 2 years.

One might go like this:

I am Joe Jones. I am an exceptional colleague for many reasons, including but not limited to the following:

• Flawless Parking Lot Etiquette - I neither reverse park nor hog more than one space with my careless command of my automobile. 
• Upon arriving at the office, even on Mondays, I make eye contact and say "Good morning," or some other conventional greeting rather than ignoring you using the excuse that I have not had sufficient coffee. I will not greet you with a snarky comment along the lines of "Another day in paradise" or "Is it over yet?" thereby pissing all over your otherwise cheerful disposition.
• Regarding conduct in areas of common use:  I make another pot of coffee and do not leave a mouthful of swill to congeal at the bottom of the burning pot when I've poured the last cup. I flush. I wipe the lasagna shrapnel from the interior of the microwave when my lunch has unexpectedly exploded. I do not leave my leftover pizza in the refrigerator until they've become fertile little bacteria-producing Petri dishes. When I jam the copier or use all the paper, I unjam and reload, even if I think it is someone else's fault. 
• I do not interrupt, roll my eyes, sigh in disgust or begin my counterargument while you are speaking. I also do not make disparaging comments about whatever project you are working on, even if it is truly asinine, based on all observable evidence.
• I have exceptional e-mail manners. I will not SCREAM AT YOU IN ALL CAPS, nor will I use long, flowery, overly complicated, descriptive terms in sentences that go on and on with no end in sight. I get to the point and send the damn thing.  I also refrain from copying an ever-widening pool of people when we are having an e-mail conversation in which we disagree about something. I will not CC or BCC dozens of unnecessary, marginally interested recipients for the sole purpose of attempting to humiliate anyone, nor will I grouse up the food chain.  I will pick up the phone and call you, though I may not give you the warm and fuzzy treatment when I do. 
• I reply, respond, return calls, RSVP, show up on time, arrive prepared etc etc.  I realize that what you are trying to accomplish may depend on me accomplishing something first. Even if what your are doing could most charitably be described as inane. 
• I concentrate on doing my job not covering my ass. The first should render the second unnecessary, at least in my esteemed opinion. 

Yes, I do believe this format might be more useful.