Date v. Interview

I think that the folks who began the "speed dating" thing actually may be onto something.  But the format is a little flawed. They need to think it through a little. It is still a first date, however brief, and therefore still murky and fraught with social injustices.

What if, instead of the endless torture of first dates, where you've committed to drinks and dinner and know that his breath is a deal-breaker when you answer the door and you have to go on for hours feigning interest and maintaining decorum because he's paying, we conducted first round interviews?

One person, either party, does the inviting. Let's just take the sexism out of it. Mama can ask a man to interview. The inviting party is the Interviewer and the Decision Maker.  The person invited is the Candidate. It would help to have the roles clarified a a little, don't you?

At the appointed hour, each party appears at the designated location.  Drinks or whatever are at your own expense.  And then the interview begins, without all the false, posturing, Let's Pretend crap.  The game has high stakes, just like the job interview.

The interviewer has an hour. Can ask whatever questions are meaningful to the the role of, for example, "My Next Boyfriend." And just like a job interview, both sides are assessing the other.

The questions may go like this:

1) Why did you leave your last girlfriend?  Were you fired or did you quit?  Why?  Are you eligible for rehire?

2) Tell me about your family.
And as a natural follow up question:  Your mother sounds like an opinionated, controlling, intrusive pill.   How do you handle that? What would your prior girlfriends say about her?

3) Tell me about a time when you were under pressure to keep a commitment with your friends to do something important to all of you, and your girlfriend wanted you to do something that she considered important with her instead.
- How did you resolve that?
-Is that where that scar came from?

4) Describe in detail the attributes of your favorite past relationship. Texting and calling habits. Number of dates per week.  Frequency of cards, gifts, flowers. Subject matter and context of most frequent arguments.

5) We are about to leave for a dinner party and I say, "I think this dress makes my ass look fat."  Your response should be:
     a - I was just thinking that.
     b - Your ass is fat, but your boobs look fabulous in that dress.
     c - You look fine. We're late.
     d - You look great but if you are not happy with the way you look, go change. I don't mind waiting.
     e - None of the above.

Once the interview has concluded and everyone has said goodbye, the Candidate waits to hear if the interviewer liked him, and wonders if it is a good idea to call and check on the status of his application. One of several things can happen:

• The Interviewer calls with an offer. He aced it.
• The Interviewer calls for another round of interviews with other key stakeholders.  Her sister. Her mother. Her therapist. He can continue in the process or run away while there is still time.
• The Interviewer sends a nicely worded rejection letter. Close but no cigar.
• The Candidate withdraws from consideration formally and dispassionately.  The Interviewer was clearly clinging and neurotic. And who needs that?
• Both parties continue to search, and say as much.

Perhaps then there would be less wondering about phone calls and texts and what each other was thinking.

Just maybe.