Brave New World

So now I have a work plan and an Other Work plan.

One will be shear torture, doing work for which I have the enthusiasm of a British land slug. I must remain cheerful, swallow my pride, suppress my anger, refrain from lashing out indiscriminately, and tolerate, tolerate, tolerate the sheer lunacy of what goes on around me.

The other will be a mission not unlike those on Survivor.  I am driven to win at any cost.  The competitor in me wants to land a fabulous job before I leave so I can walk about the office preening and cooing about the fabulous new opportunity I have landed simply because I was smart enough to decipher the writing on the wall, take a treasonous position and go over the proverbial wall.

I begin to network - in the form of telling people the news. First, the Chairman of the board I sit on, however temporarily, given the circumstances.  I am deferential and professional. Until she figures out what exactly it is I am prevaricating about the bush over and lets fly with the F bomb.  She is horrified and gasping in disbelief. I love executives like her.

Now that the pantyhose are off and we are talking turkey, she lets me in on a few tidbits of word-around-the-campfire intelligence, unwittingly confirming my suspicions about the changes I anticipated.  Colorful language, name-calling and all. It appeared that I had read the signs correctly.  I was smart to roll the dice and go while the going wasn't too heinous.  She offers to network. She offers to help. She offers to read my resume. She offers to be a reference. And here I thought she'd be disappointed in me.  Who knew?

And all those annoying placement agencies who call me incessantly. They each get a call. Guess who is on the market and will be so grateful when they've landed they will surely give you an exclusive right to their business in the future???? Yes, they are all excruciating to speak with, but business is business.

And all of my former colleagues and work friends in Human Resources departments all over the local area get a cheerful call and a follow up email with my resume attached. The long tentacles of my job search are making their way across the area with the efficiency of The Plague.

By lunch time, I am feeling pretty good about the connections I've made. And I've only stifled overwhelming nausea twice. It is going to be a bumpy 12 weeks.