A Hallmark Moment

I spent $28 on greeting cards last night. Even with the two coupons I had and my Hallmark Gold Crown Club Card of Limited Value to the Cardholder.

I had a lot of cards to buy. It happens sometimes. Mostly at this time of year.

First there is my weekly tradition of writing my kids inspiring little notes or cards with their lunch money and allowance in them on the mornings that I drop them off to school on the last morning of the week with me before departing for Lars' house. A warm little personal message about how proud I am of them, or how much I love being their Mom, or wishing them good luck on something at school, or encouraging them in some way, or some combination of those things. I have done this for years. I am religious about it now that they no longer want me to put notes in their lunches (Middle School drew the line in the sand for both of them, but Hil will let me write a little smiley or heart on the inside lip of the paper bag once in a while without having a fit. She used to save all of my notes in a side pocket of her backpack. My how times change.

So on this trip, I made a point of replenishing my supply of cards. A few fresh designs from the 99 cent selection (my kids have seen them all, some of them twice). Hallmark has also picked up the slack and packaged a lovely assortment of 8 tiny cards, mostly of gender neutral design (God forbid I give Pat a notecard depicting a kitten!) that seem to be designed to be employed for just this purpose. I wish they had been around during my Tooth Fairy years. I would give my kids their dollar. But I'd also give them some little item (like a book of stickers from the Dollar Store). But I'd also cut out a molar shaped note from white resume paper (really?) and write a little note of encouragement from the Fairy herself. Something lauding them for their most excellent brushing, or commenting how brave they were to eventually stop crying when the tooth had come out somewhat less voluntarily than usual.

It would have been great to have been able to buy a stash of these things so I wasn't up late arts and craftsing my way through the baby teeth years. While Lars parked his carcass in the ass groove on the couch doing nothing of value. It would have given the Tooth Fairy a little street cred to have presented a little card with little dental hygiene puns and jokes and art work. The kids were really into it. Hil actually claimed to have seen her once. She told Pat that she had "long blond hair and a spray-on tan."

And after picking up the cache of kids cards to finish the school year, I headed to the graduation card aisle. There are three graduates in my life this year. My Godson, Charlotte's middle son, for whom I have nothing but love and adoring admiration and pride. There are no cards adequate to express what I need to say. I think about picking an almost blank card and writing my own sentiments before writing an enormous check and stuffing it inside.

And then there are Scott's oldest daughter, and her boyfriend that she began dating just a few days after Scott and I started our relationship. I am new to their lives, in the whole scheme of things. Picking their cards is a delicate issue. Not so much him, but definitely her. I know who I am to the boyfriend. I am his girlfriend's father's girlfriend.

But who I am to Scott's daughter is a whole other matter. I am not her mother. I am not her step mother. What I am is not defined by any label. But what I am to her and she to me is something that may be defined by how I express my sentiments to her on the most important day of her life to date. Not an insignificant matter.

I stand in front of the card display. I have no idea what I am doing.