Clutch the Pearls

I am turning into a she-wolf again.

In the Fall it was Pat's turn to transform me into a fierce beast of unthinkable strength and prowess when it came to taking on the school. 

Spring has sprung and it is Hil's turn.

Hil returned home from school one day in a funk. No big deal. She's nearly 13. A funk a day is about average, even if they are fleeting and mild and she really isn't so bad, even at her moodiest.

But something was lingering. Something lurked.

Eventually it came out. Through fits and tears and burying of one's head in one's hands. 

A girl at school had done something heinous. Truly heinous. In an empty classroom. To my little sprite. She was saved by the bell.

I won't go into detail. Hil will hunt me down and kill me when she's old enough to read this if I do.  Let's just say, if it had been a boy that had done this, even Lars would have called his old man outside onto the sidewalk for a good old fashioned fist fight. I still may.

So Hil was mortified. And struggled with telling me. She had told her two friends and they had had similar hideous experiences with the same girl recently.  What a coincidence!  But they were afraid to tell their parents because they thought they'd get into trouble. Hil was unsure what I'd do, but eventually took her chances and had spilled the proverbial beans. I am not the raving lunatic Mom my mother once was.  The odds were pretty good that I would not turn into Joan Crawford.

After reassuring Hil and there-there-ing her to a state of relative calm, and blowing her little reddened nose, I asked her what she thought she should do.

She had already gone to visit the school counselor, but she'd been with another student. Some other tragedy unfolding at the same moment, I suppose. I told her she was right to tell a grown up and get some help.I told her the other girls should tell their parents, too, as unless they were cosmically uninformed, they would be as understanding (and outraged) as I. And she was right to seek out the counselor also.  Get the wheels of the procedural machine turning at once. I told her she was very brave to deal with this the way she was. I told her she was as brave as Katniss, and scored pop culture and credibility points in an instant. 

It is amazing to me how hard it is to remember what it is like to be so young and so innocent. To have such a meek inner voice. To have so few experiences that figuring out what to do becomes such an internal struggle.

But I used this horrible time for a teaching moment. To tell Hil what to do it and why she'd be doing it. And let the lesson on No Means No start now. That whenever someone crosses a line, doesn't respect your boundaries, takes liberties that are not theirs to take, you stand up for yourself. You get to establish how you want to be treated in this world, and don't have to tolerate people who don't abide by your expectations.

Today it is just some weird, misguided girl with no impulse control and a little too much energy.  Tomorrow it is a prom date. Next, a college roommate. Or a boss. Or a blind date. Sticking up for yourself starts today.

And so, evidently, does the lesson on bureaucracy.