Phoney Baloney

Life plods on. Another day, another dollar. Another salad, another weigh in. I try on clothes, I suck in my gut, I pack my suitcase with what I can stand to look at myself wearing.

It's a brand new year, and I am on my game at work. Updating policies. Improving processes. Proposing solutions. Finishing projects. Taking on new work. Peeking at job boards just because I can.

Things are chugging right along one day - I am buzzing through a mandatory on line Confidentiality and Privacy training class. Zzzzzzzzzzz. The point, click, read, select and answer, click "next" monotony suddenly broken by the familiar nerve-jangling ring tone of my cell phone.

Mom.

This class is supposed to take 70 minutes. I only have 60 as it is. I don't answer. Some time later, I get the familiar (and dreaded)jingle-jangle-jingle of the "you-have voicemail" notification. Unless there is some cosmic delay imposed on the transmission of hateful messages, this one is a long one, not unlike the last. Oh goody.

I ignore it. I have to finish the class.

And as if some cosmic whammy had been visited upon me, not two minutes later, I run into a problem with the class. The next module will not open.

Under any other circumstances I would be on my knees thanking all the powers that be for the technological intervention. Any other day, I'd be rejoicing the excuse to avoid the obligation to complete the class. The grown up version of the dog eating your homework.

But not today. Today I am looking for an excuse to avoid the message (after having deftly avoided the call, ahem.) I devote myself, heart and soul to diagnosing and fixing the problem with the training class and completing it - on deadline. Better act fast. No time for distractions like personal phone calls.

I call our system administrator. I explain the problem. I attempt what he suggests. It doesn't work. I call back. I tell him what happened this time. I offer to wait on the phone while he calls the vendor on the other line. He comes back. He tells me the solution. I hang up and immediately set about doing what he told me to do. It doesn't work. I swear under my breath. I call back. He puts me on hold. He tells me something different to do. I get off the phone and do it. It doesn't work. I call the system administrator again. He tells me to skip it. He'll get it fixed.

Noooooooo! I have only burned off 20 minutes! I have 20 more until my next meeting (15 if I take the long way) and that leaves me with no excuse not to pick up the voice mail.

I don't know why I do this to myself. I listen to the first 15 seconds of Mom's message and want to throw the phone out the window. And then dive out after it.