My Oprah Aha Moment

Eventually Charlotte and Mom connect. Charlotte texts me an update.

Of course Mom railed against my bad behavior. I did behave badly. Blame me! There is no one who's innocent here. Just as Mom used to say, "If someone hits you, hit him back."

I had not listened to the whole message Mom had left even yet. Evidently she had gone on about needing to know where she stands with me.

Is she kidding with this nonsense? Isn't THAT a revealing question to have asked!

She needs to know where she stands. How very rich. That is a question you might ask a boyfriend you want to date exclusively and wonder if he might feel that way, too. That might be something you discuss with a supervisor when you are not sure your job performance is viewed favorably. It might be a topic of discussion when you are reconciling with a spouse and you are uncertain about his or her feelings about how things are going since you decided to patch things up one more time for the kids' sake. That is not a question you ask of your children.

Ever.

There is never a need.

I am not saying families don't fall apart. I am not suggesting that families don't have rifts and take sides. Every family does. Tensions. Hurt feelings. Someone getting left out of a will. Sides taken in divorces. But children are forever.

A parent loves - or at least so I thought - unconditionally. I will love my children, bags and baggage, foul mouths, insolence, tattoos, arrest records, suspensions for streaking at basketball games, misappropriation of my vehicle, broken curfews, poorly chosen mates, bad fashion statements, crimes against humanity and all. No matter what. I may not like them. I may not appreciate their actions. I may not approve of all they do. I may not agree with their beliefs at all times. But I will always, without question, love them, sacrifice for them, adore them, want the best for them, and pray for them, fervently. I will never wonder where I stand with them. It will always be immaterial to me whether or not they return any of what I give them from my heart. Because there is never even the whiff - not a threat - not a notion - that my love for them or willingness to extend myself to them or for them - depends upon that same love being returned.

But evidently, Mom does not subscribe to that thinking. And knowing that, I have a little more clarity on her conduct throughout our lives. Conduct that has often been baffling.

And oddly, I am not upset or moved to tears. I am not even angry. I suppose this is not news. I have known this on some level all along. A relationship with Mom was always tenuous. It could snap like a thread at any moment, for any reason, great or small.

And strangely, I have comfort in having evidence to substantiate that idea. Not that I ever thought about wondering, but I guess I know where I stand.