Games People Play

Of course, I am not going to respond. There is absolutely nothing to gain from it. My brother is a blooming idiot and will never appreciate the complexities of the situation. The relationship. The psychology. Forest Gump had better intuition. And considerably more charm, I might add.

But to be truthful, the five-year-old in me would really like to. In some way.

Maybe to just play her game and reply, "What ever do you mean? Nothing is going on. What are you talking about?"

Wouldn't that get the tongues wagging up and down the coast? Mom's Big Calamity not even registering on my Top 10 List of Things for Which I Wish I Could Get a Do-Over. He'd have to obediently report back that I had absolutely nothing unusual or of import to mention. And Mom, incensed, would screech, shooting the messenger as she always does, "Text her back, whatever that is, that she knows damn well blah-dee-blah-dee-blah-dee-blah-yakkety-yakkety-yakkety..." all in a voice that could peel paint.

Or maybe it would be more sporting to send back a third-party insult. Something blistering that would effectively impale its recipient the moment Joe figured out how to use the "forward" function on his pre-paid flip phone. Perhaps something that began with the words, "Our mother is an unstable lunatic that is becoming increasingly more dangerous to herself and others and really needs to be institutionalized at once. Please retrieve all of the registered and unregistered weapons from her home. I have filed for a restraining order and she and her equally unstable husband should check with the local authorities before entering the county in which I reside. Which is the county where you reside. You can thank me later."

Or, pretending to confide in him, I could lay it all out. The gossiping to Charlotte about me. About him. The insane complaint about my not kissing Bill on the mouth. Bill's implied intention to leave Mom penniless and alone and his statements about ensuring that Joe will never see a penny of THEIR money because it's all HIS money. And then once Joe's loyalty is on the fence, I can tear into Mom's lifetime of drama and bullshit and the fact that she has only herself to blame if she feels her children's loyalty waning. She can couch it anyway she pleases, but the truth is, she has been walking away from us and expecting us the obediently follow at a distance for decades. Dumped us and all our ensuing baggage solely in Dad's lap so she could go have fun. Has been trading our interests for those of the men she's ensnared all along. We haven't ranked in the top three for years and she's just pissed that we've gotten wise to her. That's what's going on, my gullible friend.

Those are the things I'd love to relate by my unwitting carrier pigeon brother.

But I won't. Because he's guaranteed to inadvertently botch the mission. And really, it just has no value. I don't care enough to engage in this game.