You Can't Take It With You

And just as Charlotte was about to start clicking the heels of her not-so-ruby slippers to transport herself to anywhere else on the planet, Jack came striding in from his run. He must have sensed the need for rescue. Immediately redirected the conversation.

Later, he asked what the problem had been and Charlotte related every last pitifully inappropriate detail.

It's not that Bill hasn't done all of this before. He's commented that Estelle is difficult to live with. (We know that, idiot, but she's your wife. You picked her. You also decided to move 5 states away where you have no friends or family or jobs or distractions to create even the slightest buffer between the two of you. Not only do you both have abrasive personalities, you have nothing but endless stretches of time together. No one would blame either of you for jumping off a bridge.) I am beginning to understand the drinking and passing out by dinnertime thing, to be honest.

But never before has Bill mentioned the pre-nup thing. He's told me before (in one of those endless, uncomfortable meandering conversations I've mentioned) that he will see to it that my brother doesn't get any money or any of their prized antiques when they die, but it has always seemed like a beef he has with my idiot sister-in-law. The one he used to openly bash while seated two chairs away at many a holiday table. It seemed as though he were saying, "Your mother thinks that all of our children will be getting some big pile of loot when I bite the dust but I have different ideas." And truthfully, I don't care what happens to Bill's money or any of his crap when he finally takes his last nap in the dirt. Let him find a way to take it with him for all I care.

But mentioning the pre-nup makes me and Charlotte think that there is some kind of plan afoot. Like he's started to get his business in order. He's making his list. He's checking it twice. What an asshole.

Charlotte is torn. Now that Bill's cat is out of its bag, she wants to let Mom in on The Big Secret. Tell her all the wonderful things that Bill had to say to her...many of which for the zillionth time.

Jack disagrees. And so does Scott. And while I share Charlotte's concern for our mother and would like nothing more than for her to be in a winning position to confront Bill, I think I agree with Scott and Jack.

Mom and Bill are bombing down the highway, chatting and sipping coffee and holding hands and singing to the radio, and talking about what a complete bitch I am, and what a shrew Joe is married to, but wasn't it a lovely Christmas? And Mom is blissfully unaware that she is traveling across five states to a home she shares with a man who is plotting to leave her alone and penniless.

Telling her all of this won't convince her that it is true. For her own survival she will have to decide that it is her wicked daughters making trouble again.