Damn Yankees

If Mom is frustrated that I have not returned her call, she doesn't show it. I thought for sure she's call to object to my impersonal, texted advice to Joe, which was surely not what she had in mind. I am sure she envisioned a sweet phone call, inviting Joe and maybe even Steve, out for a beer, since we're all in the same neighborhood now, how convenient. And I am sure she wanted me to say something that sounds like "There, there, everything will be just fine, and here are the 200 things you need to do, and since I am your big sister and have a few more pounds of gray matter than you two nitwits put together, I will take care of all of it for you, and pay our tab tonight, too. How's that? Feeling better?"

She doesn't call me (Joe must not have figured out how to forward the text on his pre-paid flip phone yet) and instead she calls Charlotte, presumably to hit her up for some warm and fuzzy advice for Joe. She has a better chance at getting a walk on try out with the Yankees.

But while Mom is haranguing Charlotte, she tries to pluck her heart strings (which in all matters concerning Joe, Charlotte has let dry rot) and pleads for her help. Tells her Joe "isn't wordly."

No shit, Ma. He isn't even neighborhoodly. Maybe not even backyardly. But whose problem is that? He can't catch up now! He's 45 years old and can't navigate his way out of a proverbial paperbag. And now Charlotte and I are supposed to give him a quick tutorial on How Not to Fuck Up Your Life Beyond Any Hope of Repair 101 in the hopes that he will suddenly figure out how to successfully save or end his marriage without irreparable financial, emotional, or physical damage? Really? Try a Novena.

What I want to do is call Mom and tell her that when we were kids she flew the coop and left Joe to figure it all out for himself when it was patently clear to everyone that he could not, and if the results of that decision have finally come home to roost, then so should she. I am not paying for her parenting transgressions or her decision to move 5 states away. Inconvenience yourself for once. I am through paying for your sins. If she wants something fixed she can do it herself.

But I won't. She gets to live another day without a guilty thought in the world.