A Long Days Journey Into Night

I leave the spa with a bouncy new hair-do and some satisfaction that it was the gift card from Scott that paid for the new look.

Hil and I spend the rest of the afternoon shopping for girly things and trying on new fashions and getting ideas for Christmas.  A Christmas that I am sure I will have fewer people to buy for. It saddens me. I think about what to buy for Scott's girls anyway.

Later that night Hil and I sit down for a movie while Pat studies for his math test. The only watchable movie is "Marley and Me" so we watch it. It turns out to be a bad decision for a me to watch a sad story about a man and his beloved dog while I am trying to push thoughts of my man and his 5 dogs from my head.  The tenderness of the story would make anyone weep. It gets me to the point of sobbing. Luckily, Hil thinks I am just crying about the movie. 

Eventually, I stop the waterworks and compose myself sufficiently to help Pat study. And I make another attempt to call Scott. It is getting to be the time of night where he'd wind down and get ready for the week, and I don't want the weekend to end this way.

Two rings. Voice mail.

I send a text.

"Scott, whatever it is you are going through, if you think it will help to push me away, I won't hold you back. Please take care of yourself."

The silence just about kills me.

Eventually, I get into bed, and attempt to sleep.

I am barely breathing the next morning, the hole in my life seems so huge. The drive to work is quiet. I don't listen to my iPod (I can't bear to hear the songs) and I don't want to listen to snarky morning DJs either. What I want is to talk to Scott like I normally do. But I'd have to call, and I can't deal with the rejection one more time. Besides, what would we talk about while he's riding around with his work partner in his truck?  Football?

I have  full morning and breeze through the office only momentarily before heading out. I am apparently wearing my heart on my sleeve because one of my colleagues remarks as I walk by, "Good morning, don't look so miserable, Liza!"

I stop for a moment to address her and the other colleague she is talking with. "I haven't seen or heard from Scott all weekend and I think he's walked out of my life."

I register a look of horror on their faces before I head out to attend a training class. I am not sure how I am going to put one foot in front of the other without falling. I am truly outside my own skin.