Shake, Rattle and Roll

After battling the socially obtuse chair stealer at the Wave Pool, the kids and I made our way to the Over Priced Locker area to get our dry clothes.  Time to ditch the flip flops and bathing suits in favor of real clothes for serious fun.

This is where our little family of three struggles. Hil is a daredevil thrill seeking roller coaster rider and Pat is not about to risk life and limb and get the crap scared out of him and try to call it "fun."  I will go on anything Hil will, and rather enjoy the thrill rides, in spite of having a wicked case of vertigo. But we have to split up. And that makes me panic.

There are a few rides we will go on together. The Sky Lift, which does not exactly thrill anyone but saves you lots of walking from one side of the park to the other. The Old Fashion Race Way - where the Model Ts and the Speedsters race at speeds that would not threaten to give you whip lash even if you ran into something, like a squirrel. The Falcon, which flings you on your side as it spins you around and around and raises you high on a post swinging in the breeze making you think you are going to jettison off across the food court rooftop any minute. It is not kind to my vertigo but if I manage to stay focused only on the tail feathers of falcon in front of me, I will not lose my bearings. Or my overpriced lunch.

Oddly, none of the other rides that fling you about at neck breaking speeds really tamper with my sense of direction and uprightness, which is always a possibility with vertigo.  The rides that really activate it are not really rides at all. What makes me practically fall down to the point of being led by the hand by my children like a little old lady is the rotating floor you step on to to board your boat for the Log Flume. People must think I am insane.

But beyond these rides, my children have no intersecting interests to speak of.  Pat wants to play arcade games and try to win a giant stuffed SpongeBob.  Hil wants to get scared to the point of tears on thrill rides. I just want to make everyone happy to have come and not have to call an Amber alert because we get separated for too long.

So I am torn. Hil can't ride by herself. And Pat doesn't exactly love the idea of spending time alone at the arcade while we wait in line at the Big Attractions.  One more plight of the single parent family. At least this one is only about compromises at the damn amusement park.

So we compromise. Spend some time in each other's camps. Take a walk through the zoo section together.  I leave Pat for a bit with his cell phone and return to him immediately after the dizzying thrill ride with Hil.

After getting Pat settled at the arcade with money and a few games he is jonesing to play, Hil and I take off for the high speed, steep drop coaster we ventured on last year when she was first tall enough to board.  They take a photo of your car at the scariest part of the drop, when you are most likely to be screaming and contorting your face. We'd wanted to buy our picture last year, but two obnoxious girls traveling with their father had made an obscene gesture at the camera and the park has a strict rule about printing those pictures. Those girls had ruined it for everyone in our car. I remember seeing them later and hissing at them (it had been a long day....)

Today we go to board and the wait is not too long. We'd been told an hour, it was 28 minutes. We get the middle car, second set of seats. We are all set. Lady luck is being good to us. We'll be back with Pat in no time.

The climb is nervewracking. The drop is heart stopping. The twists and turns and upside down plummets are disorienting. It is a blast.

When it is all over, Hil and I race to the photo booth. Even as we descend the stairs on wobbly legs I am pulling out my money.  We search the board and find our photo.

There I am screaming my head off.

And I presume Hil is too. But we'll never know.

Because the nice gentleman in front of Hil, riding with his daughter too, rode the whole ride proudly extending his arms over his head. And at the moment the picture was snapped, his extended hand was squarely in front of Hil's pretty face. If not for her unmistakably platinum curls, I'd never know it was her.

She's disappointed, but we laugh about it on our way to check in with Pat and make our way to the Big Ride. The newest. The latest and greatest. Already a legend in its first season. Rumored to leave riders in tears if not in traction.

I feel like I am heading to a gun fight with the odds against me.