Crime and Punishment

And for these and many other reasons, I am thrilled to say that I am headed out on vacation.  Going to that darling little hamlet that time forgot where Charlotte and Jack have a cottage and a lot of family history. We are staying in their cottage while they go to the beach. One of these days we are going to have to figure out a way to be there together. Playing games on the porch, telling idiot brother stories, pouring fabulous cocktails and noshing on all manner of grilled things.

I can hardly wait to pick up the kids from Lars. They are so excited to be there. Hil has been packed for weeks. She already plans to own a cottage of her own. Wants to know if Auntie Charlotte will let her bring her husband to her cottage if they need to come up and look around. Girlfriend has some plans!  Pat can't wait to start the 1000 piece puzzle that glows in the dark. For all the madness they are exposed to with Disneyland Dad, the appeal of the phoneless, TV-free, no cell tower in sight, don't even think about the internet, Yes, We Have No Cable, completely removed from social media, and in fact media of all forms, totally unplugged place is magnetic to them.  They are drawn to it like ducks to water. It's almost as though they get to tune out and tune in to us. As a parent, this is a dream.

But as I drive toward home, anxious to pick them up from the home of the Weirdest Man on Earth, I think about the parents of the Sandusky victims. Sandusky is set to be sentenced soon and is hopefully rotting in jail for decades before making his express lane trip to Hell. If only he'd been taken to task sooner. There are so many cooks in that kitchen it makes my head swim.

But what rattles me more is this:  We are finding fault with Sandusky (let's hope so) and McQueery, (I'm sorry, you didn't know what to do and you called your Dad? How about 911?) and the administrators and coaching staff, and Paterno in particular for their failures to act. But where were the kids' parents? 

Were they so caught up in their own bullshit that they could not tell something sinister was going on in their boys lives?  Were they so asleep at the wheel that they could not see the changes, the fears, the symptoms that must have presented as their lives spiraled into Hell? 

I know when my kid gets torched in a pop quiz, or gets razzed for missing an easy fly ball in gym. How do you not know he's been raped by an man?

Or is it worse than that?  Did they trade? Did they ignore the subtle signs and the complaints? Did they force their kids to accept the VCR and the Gameboy and the golf clubs because they themselves were reaping the rewards of the relationship?

Or were they so depressed by their stations in their lives - the Second Mile kids were all underprivileged, and we can only guess at what their parents were suffering with - that the warning signs were missed for all the bright lights and shininess of the gifts and trips and privileges that their kids were being offered that they could not provide. Did they fail to see what lie right before them, blinded by their desire to provide something, anything, special for their kids?

I am not sure how to feel about the parents.  They failed their kids. How much blame they can be saddled with is probably an individual matter. Case by case.

But know this: I understand how a parent can get caught up in their own losses, and their own desires for their kids, and their guilt about not providing. I know how life's problems can consume a person. But what I don't understand is how you can look into your child's eyes each night as you kiss them goodnight and not have some flicker of recognition that something is wrong. And no matter what your pain, how do you not at least ask what the matter might be? 

Monsignor Lynn has gone to jail for not taking steps that could have prevented further attacks and abuse of children by priests.

Jail.

And this seems fitting.

To be truthful, there are a whole lot more people at fault in the PSU abuse scandal than those being talked about. Everyone who failed to act, who didn't do enough, who did not act to the very limit of their power, who put his head on the pillow each night not having done something to prevent even one more singular act of violence and sexual abuse against a child is culpable.
I guess the punishments will fit the crimes. Jobs will be lost. Freedoms stripped. Honors revoked. Statues torn down. Reputations ruined. Heads hung in shame.

But what of the parents? The ones on the sidelines? I wonder if their personal losses are fitting enough? I guess we'll let their children decide the verdict. Children always do. And that will be fitting enough.