Table Talk

The way the Scout breakfast works is like this:

The Scouts plan the breakfast and go door to door selling tickets, and sell to their friends and family. The money they raise personally gets applied to their camping trip accounts.
The day of the breakfast, any “walk ins” go into the common account to offset all of their mutual expenses.
Walk ins can sit anywhere and get served by a Scout. People who have purchased tickets in advance sit at the table being served by their Scout. And he takes orders and fetches coffee and clears tables, looking very responsible all the while.
His tips go into his account that day. If they don’t go into his shirt pocket first.

Scott and I walk in and Pat is thrilled to see us. Shows us all the pictures he’s in from all the outings. Seats us at his table. Runs for the coffee. (He knows his mother all too well.)

We order pancakes and sausage and Pat keeps us company, making small talk about Eagle Scout candidates, and plans for the next camping trip. We are having so much fun and he is enjoying the attention so much, we stay for another cup of coffee.

And then as I turn to talk to Scott, I see some familiar silhouettes at the door. Lars, Liza and Hil.
Hil looks adorable all in pink. She also looks uncomfortable. Like she does not know what to do.

They walk over to the table. It only seats 8. And Scott and I have taken two next to each other. Yikes. Some elbows may touch.

I am on the end. Scott next to me. Liza takes a seat next to Scott. Lars on the end furthest from me and not facing me (just as well!) Hil is across from Lars on the end. She has not come over to greet me. I am sure I know why.

Lars waves Pat over. Pat leans in to hear him speak. I can’t hear what Lars says, but Pat says, a little annoyed, “Sorry Dad, there aren’t any other tables. Other Scouts are serving them.”

Understood.

Liza, in spite of having aged 10 years since I last saw her, (probably due to all the engagement bliss she’s enjoying?) is cordial to Scott and me. We pass the butter and syrup and cream and sugar.

I notice the ring. Cheesy.

She turns to offer Lars sugar for his coffee. He says, “I don’t take sugar in my coffee.”

Not for anything, but would you know the coffee preferences of someone you have been dating for 3 years? Are they both that self absorbed? Glad there aren’t any Green Cards on the line. They would not pass the Marriage Validity interview.

I notice Hil straining to understand something Lars is saying. Then she appears to understand and acts uncomfortable. And then she gets up and gives Lars a tentative hug.

Scott looks at me as if to say, “Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?” I catch Hil’s eye and she looks at her plate. It is all too weird. Clearly Lars staged a show of affection to prove a point only he understands. Crack pot.

Scott and I make small talk with Pat and tip him nicely. I get up to leave and give Hil a squeeze while she remains in her seat. I do my best not to make the kids any more uncomfortable than necessary. Lars doesn’t even acknowledge me or Scott.

I say “Have a great day, everybody!” and take Scott’s hand to walk out. There is obviously a war waging - but evidently it is only waged by Lars. And truly, it is a war with himself. Unwinnable, and with many casualties.