Texts and Subtext

I think it is safe to say that technology has changed everything. It is especially true that it had changed the way we date.

When J. and I first dipped our toes into the dating pool after our marriages went up in smoke, our soon to be exes were still hanging about the house. We couldn't exactly yammer on all day and night on our phones with each other. Though we would have liked to.

So we texted. Often. Just to say "hello." Just a quick XOXO or a "thought of you just now." Some little gesture.

And of course, the minute the exes had pulled out of the driveway for good, the texting dropped off in favor of burning up the minutes.

There was no such restriction for me or for Casey. And I almost wished there was. Because Casey sent and increasing number of texts. And not just "hi there" or "do you have a minute to talk?" Some of them were substantive. Meant as stunt doubles for actual converstations.

Who does that? I was thanking my lucky stars that I'd not given him my e-mail address.

So as to discourage abundant intrusive substantive texting - which would have eventually driven me batty - I either gave him a one word reply to his long, rambling, verbose texts, or didn't reply at all.

And this is how I learned something about Casey that made me reconsider.

If I didn't respond to a text, he'd get nervous. He'd check his sent messages to see how long ago he'd sent them. I know this because sometimes he'd resend them. Or correct a misspelling and send just the corrected word (cringing again). One time he discovered he'd sent a message intended for me to someone else, and when he realized what he'd done, he'd resent it, this time to me, and then called and tell me the amusing little story about how he'd begun to panic wondering why I'd not responded.

Because sometimes I have something more important to do? Have a little pride, man.

And not only did this seem a little desperate, it was smothering.

I can't stand being smothered.