Love Stinks

By the time Casey arrived, I'd made a decision. No, not to open the wine before he got there and have a swig. (Tempting as the idea might have been.) No, he'd narrowed the BYOB selection to two - one a short drive from my neighborhood, and one a short walk in my neighborhood. Both very good. Both (cringe) romantic. I decided I would exercise a little assertiveness and insist on the one in my neighborhood. And that we'd be walking. I needed an escape hatch and needed to be within fast break distance from my house. And in familiar territory. The ability to hop a fence and seek refuge in a neighbor's pantry if necessary.

I answered the door. He was exactly 40 minutes late.

No apology.

And no comment about my house either. Isn't that sort of customary when you enter someone's home for the first time? Nothing. Not even a ham handed "love what you've done with the place." I'll admit it irked me.

I noticed his shirt and shoes right away. Reasonably acceptable if unremarkable. Good. I had been a little worried.

But there was something else I noticed right away. Something I'd not anticipated having to deal with. And something that is a complete game changer, and not in a good way.

First there was a whiff of Altoids. Strong. Minty. Distinct.

And then ----------------- an undercurrent of halitosis.

Hair-raising. Eye-burning. Noxious.

Oh.

My.

God.

Scrambling for a plan of action, I created a distraction for myself. And a salve. I suggested I open the wine.

With my back turned to him I made a lengthy production of opening the bottle. All the while trying to think if there is a Patron Saint of Offensive Breath. St. Listerine? I might have to resort to prayer.

And as if we weren't already off to an ominous start, we sat for a moment to drink our wine. I willed myself to drop dead on the spot but no such luck.

And so, while Casey went on and on, emphasizing every word of his little uninteresting story about how his exwife and he argue over his daughter's orthodontia payment plan (yawn), I positioned my wine so that my nose broke the plane of the nose of the wine, and competed admirably with the heinous stench filling the room.

At least for now.