Dooms Day

I thought about cancelling. I should have cancelled.

But then I decided to brave the storm.

It was a pretty good bet that I was not going to find that I misjudged Casey with my first impressions.

But I needed to go out on a date. Any date. I needed to take this step and get through the mire of nervousness and uncertainty and insecurity and unfamiliarity.

Casey ramped up the texts as the date drew nearer. He was clearly more enthused than I was. If I cringe much more my face is going to freeze that way.

I stifled knee-jerk reactions and held my position of aloofness. Kept my contact to a minimum. I liked him better that way.

And then dawn broke on the day of our date. I could hardly will myself to put my feet on the floor.

Casey, conversely, obviously began the day with a little more spring in his step. Led off with a text to me as I drove to work. I retrieved it as I walked through my parking garage at work.

And nearly chucked the phone over the railing to the freeway below.

It was so completely inane, so utterly juvenile, so unbelievably ridiculous I had to turn off the phone to keep myself from sending back a blistering profane insult.

I opted to torture him instead. Even he in his apparent dim-wittedness had to know the text was a risk. It pushed the envelope even if you are the apparent numb skull that he is. So I didn't answer.

All day.

I thought again and again about cancelling and again and then again thought better of it. I could pick apart any date. He would not be the last I'd roast over a spit. But I really had to clear the hurdle that the very first date since J. represents, no matter how doomed it is.

As poetic justice, I also had a heinous day at work. Full moon crazy. I ended up leaving later than I'd intended, and while I talked on my work Blackberry with my VP, I texted Casey with my free hand and told him that I was running late and might need a little leeway.

He texted back.

"I thought you changed your mind."

I had. I just wasn't changing the plan.

Feeling mean, I let that one hang out there unanswered for a while too.