E- Harangue

My crisis averted, or at least delayed, I can focus on other things.

I need to get my yard in shape again. The week away has left it looking more Grey Gardens than Garden of Eden.

I need to get back to walking longer distances. The week of vacation capped by a weekend of beer and bar food with Terry has left me with a slab of flab on my abs. Not. Pretty.

I need to jump start my love life.

Yes, I'd heard from Craig and yes, he'd been exactly the kind of mate I'd wanted all day. And even for quite some time afterwards. But his reliability bugged me. Or rather his lack thereof. I never know what to expect. Who's going to put their feet on the floor today? The sweet, attentive, flirtatious, funny, can't-wait-to-see-you Craig, or the absentee, one-word-answer, delayed response, don't-know-quite-what-to-think Craig? It's like dating identical twin brothers, only one is wicked and the other is a dreamboat. Dating Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde would be less confusing.

I look at my Eharmony account. Terry's tweaks are good, but I am still netting in a lot of Capital L Losers.

Guys who are exactly my height. My socks would make me taller.

Guys who say they are in a particular job or industry whose education makes it seem like they would have to be making up a cover story so they do not have to admit to being a cashier at Walmart.

Guys who only drink on special occasions. (WHAT???)

Guys who fall into categories that I specifically requested not be matched to me. For instance, guys who live on the opposite coast or men who are technically Old Men.

And guys whose profiles add up to nothing more than a wholly unappealing pile of single manhood with nary a redeeming quality to speak of.

I go back to the profile of the guy who I sent a smile to, Jack. Seems like a winner. Why had he not smiled back?

So I decide to take the first step. I send him the first 5 questions.

Eharmony is all about getting to know people by narrowing down the ick factor. A guy could craft an amazing profile, but if his "chat" tells you he is a clingy, jealous nag, then forget it. Or if he hints that women should be perfectly coiffed and wearing heels and hosiery at all times, he will find himself in the "no" pile faster than you can say Beautymist Pantyhose.

The first 5 questions are questions with prescribed answers to choose from, with an option to write in your own answer if you are a little bit outside of the box or need to explain something.

I select my five. They pertain to such things as:

How you might behave at a party you've been taken to by your date and where you know no one.
Given all the freedom in the world to choose, on a Saturday night you'd most prefer to do what?
Which of the following places would be your first choice for a getaway vacation with your mate?

Send.

I wait a whole day and find that I can no longer stand it. I find myself unable to resist the urge to check eHarmony. I have not gotten an email saying that Jack has replied, but I am not sure that I would. I click on my "Corresponding With" button. I can see that Jack has looked at my profile.

I can see that he looked at my profile the day I'd sent the questions. Nearly 27 hours ago!

And yet, he has yet to check the little boxes next to his answers and reply.

Miffed. I am miffed. I extend myself and he ignores me. Nothing like getting blown off for your question selection. Jeez. Wait 'til he finds out I'm unemployed.

I hate this already.