Say What?

I was literally shaking.

I didn't open it at first.

It could be anything.

It could be that someone was hurt or sick - someone that he'd want me to know about.
It could be that he'd finally gotten around to sending back the print I'd been asking about that he forgot to mail when he chucked all of my stuff in a box and mailed it with no note of any kind.
It could be that he left something at my house that he'd like back and wants to work out a hand off.

But I knew it would not be, no matter how much I tried to temper my visceral panic attack reaction.

"I am so sorry I threw everything away. I am a total a******."

I am in a tailspin. I really don't need the confusion of an intrusion from someone I would have followed to the moon and back just a few short weeks ago.

I start texting my girlfriends in the same groups as before. Telling them that I had a marvelous date the night before with a great guy and had Fun with a capital F and out of the blue as if on cue, Scott texted an apology laced with self loathing and remorse.

The reply is varied.  I am actually a little surprised.

Priscilla writes first. She's practical and sensible and makes heartfelt decisions. She knows that I'd loved Scott. How much he'd hurt me.

She says to play it cool. No need to respond right now. No decisions need to be made. See where things go with the new guy; he sounds promising. Keep Scott on ice. Eventually something will feel right.

My friend from college, also very thoughtful and astute, says to respond with kindness. She knows I adored Scott. Remember how I felt before.  Don't let him think he's an a******. Tell him I'd like to talk and understand what happened so we can put it behind us and see if there is something left for us to build on. 

James says that I should not, under any circumstances, for the love of God, respond in any way.  One mere sentence will give Scott the idea that the door is open to more conversation and, forgive him for saying so, he knows I will turn to mush and be back in the game, forsaking all others and getting myself hurt all over again. 

I do what I do best when I am confused and upset.

I do nothing.