Say Yes To The Dress, Please

I had prepared for the day of shopping by sending catalogue pictures of cute dresses via iPhone to Hil for her consideration. We seemed to agree on taste. Good start.

Or so I thought.

The moment we crossed the threshold into the first department store everything changed. The dowdy, frowsy grandmotherly dresses overpowered the cute, stylish flirty ones. The sturdy, orthopedic-looking shoes outshone the dainty kitten heel slides in sassy spring colors. The practical, multi-purpose, pleather utilitarian handbags in versatile colors like beige distracted from the cutesy, beaded, frivolous little bags that would barely hold a lip gloss and a cell phone at the same time. The trip was doomed practically from the parking lot.

But I tried.

Hil vetoed most dresses without them ever leaving the rack, much less the hanger. I excessively ooohed and aaahed over a few and even held them up to myself for a convincing visual. They were met mostly with eyerolling and sighs of disbelief.

I managed to get a very reluctant Hil and two dresses into a fitting room at the same time. (No easy feat!) Between the disinterest in zipping and tying and adjusting the straps for the best fit, and the atrocious posture she adopted for full effect, and her scowling countenance, both (adorable) dresses were summarily rejected. Too old. Too cutesy. Weird bias-cut hemline. Hated the neckline. More excuses than there were dresses themselves.

There is much hushed bickering and gnashing of teeth and reminders that I don't have to spend the day dress shopping, that I could easily leave the task to Lars, who would have her wearing a chastity belt and a nun's habit. Or his fiancé Liza, with her hippy dippy commune Goodwill store repurposed sense of style, as if the word "style" applies.

Hil calms down and we decide to split up and reconnect by cell phone later, when we've separately scoured the racks for anything that is of even the remotest interest. We'll divide and conquer the mission without strangling each other and perhaps enjoy bilateral attitude adjustments somewhere between the Junior department and Misses.