Dancing Queen

Saturday comes and so does the appointed day of shopping for dresses for the Big Events.

The 7th Grade Dance is THE event of the season for the tween set. Except if you were Pat, who could not have cared any less as a 7th grader. Dance? What dance? Why would I dance when I have Tastykakes and video games at home and don't need to shower first?

But Hil is a joiner. Will not miss out on one tasty morsel of school life. High social profile. Low resistance to invitations.

But she is madly swooning for a boy at school who she has known since the early grades. And he is darling, I must admit, but Hil is evidently an old fashioned girl. She expects him to speak to her first. And she also thinks that he is going to ask her to the dance and may just go into deep seclusion if he does not.

I have tried to recalibrate her expectations for 7th grade boys. It will be important groundwork for avoiding the inevitable disappointment with men of any age in general.

I have told her that as cute as this boy is, he is still as insecure as the pimply faced kid with the runny nose and unibrow. In many ways more so, because he probably does not have a lot of experience handling rejection. So as much as she would like the boy to talk to her, he is probably tongue tied and wishing he knew for sure that she would not giggle and point and make an ass out of him in the corridor by the gym. I tell her, she has known this boy for years, so there would be nothing weird about her saying, "Hey, how's it going?" while passing in the hall. She doesn't have to make a big production. She doesn't even have to stop and wait to hear his reply. Just be cool...as in, look his way, smile, and say, "Hey, how's it going?" That way, he knows that if he says hello the next time, she's not going to shriek and cower against the wall and act like she just saw a big hairy spider.

And as for the dance, I have told her that if she is holding out for an invitation, she will be disappointed, and unnecessarily so. Boys at that age will not ask. They know they will see you there. Why go through the potential humiliation when you can get all the dances you want once you arrive?

I tell her instead to let him know she is looking forward to seeing him there. She nearly collapses with disbelief at the very suggestion. I tell her that that is what she'll do, NOT what she'll say. After the aforementioned HELLO in the hallway, she might just say to him, while they are packing their backpacks one afternoon to go home, "Hey are you going to the dance?" and when he says he is, because duh, everyone is, then simply say, "Great. Save me a dance."Smile and walk away like it is no big deal, even if to Hil, it is.

For this she thinks I am crazy. We will do none of those things. We just have to buy a KILLER DRESS that he will not be able to resist once he gets to the dance.

I need a nerve pill.