I Knew You When

The week before Scott Friend Requested me, he had been to his high school class reunion. I haven't been to a single one of mine. And until then, neither had he. But I can understand his change of heart at the time.

He was getting divorced. Time to join the living. Circulate. Make connections. You never know what connection will lead to a more meaningful connection. It is the very premise of networking. And the purpose of social networking.

I remember the first year of my divorce proceeding/journey to the Bowels of Hell. I ran into an old high school acquaintance - again, at church - someone really ought to think about this - and remember being so dismayed when he'd asked why I had not been at the reunion that had just passed. It would have been so nice to go where everybody knows your name, yet is bound to be a little more interesting than they were as teenagers.

I can just imagine how Scott's had been: The class hottie shows up - still looking great - handsome, fit, as darling as ever - and OMG he's single! Let the games begin!

A few drinks later and everyone is swearing they'll stay in touch. Swearing they'll get together. Everyone is adding contact information to smart phones and Friending one another on Facebook. Some of the women no doubt were plotting clandestine cups of coffee or cocktails with Scott now that their husbands were bald and uninteresting or they are finally divorced from the guy who left them for a chippy at the office the minute they put on a few pounds. Some, no doubt were promising he'd not get away a second time.

And then one day not long after they've all had their last dance to Donna Summer's "Last Dance" Scott posts a picture of himself when he was about 15. Tan. Justin Bieber hair. Sitting on a minibike looking cool. Adorable. The caption he wrote reads, "100 years ago."

And immediately all the cyber stalking ladies from high school are flapping.

"That's exactly how I remember you!"
"Look at you- just as cute as I remember you always were!"
"I remember you riding by my house on that bike!"

Followed by a dozen comments where each of them tries to lay claim to him and prove that they knew him longer. Knew him better. Discovered him first. Was his BFF.

So I comment" I have to say the 100 years hasn't hurt you any. On the contrary..."

And then someone has to insinuate that I've called him old and call me out on it.

A moron says what?

And then all of them, good friends that they are, come running to his rescue - defending him- asserting that they are great friends, and have been for life (for LIFE, I tell ya!) Like I am a big meanie and they are his true friends, defending him to the end, because darn it, they care.

It is hilarious.

So I comment again. "He was cute then, but I am a big fan of this year's model." As in "You may have known him when, but I know him NOW. Ya dig?"

And everyone engages in more territorial posturing (Who is this girl? She's not even in our class! No fair!)

And Scott quiets them all by saying, "I just gotta love that Liza."

And clutch the pearls, everyone is aghast.