War, What Is It Good For?

Turns out Mom is a formidable war tactician.

Lucky me.

Joe's support in this conflict, as I've alluded, is a fairly fungible. It's hard to place value on and I'd gladly forfeit it in favor of something of genuine honest-to-goodness worth. Not necessary to have, not a tragedy to go without. Doesn't carry much political clout.

Charlotte's backing, on the other hand, is as politically valuable as an NRA endorsement or even that of the tobacco industry in a close political race. Definitely worth having, if I were the lobbying sort.

So Joe's weak and spineless disavowing of my comments, when he and Mom both know in their hearts of hearts that he agrees with me, is a fairly meaningless endorsement of Estelle's cause. Not many electoral votes to be had.

But Charlotte's endorsement is the motherload. And worth stumping for.

So Mom goes marching along the campaign trail criticizing and clutching her pearls in horror. On her soap box and kissing all the babies she can.

And oddly, slinging a little ill-advised mud along the way.

She of course has contacted the Lushes. She'll need to do some tap dancing there to explain why she might have a little less flexibility in her cocktail hour schedule. So empathetic are they, they are going to throw a little party for her. (Good, I can reduce my Wine and Spirits budget by half!)

But since she's had a conversation with Charlotte about the letter and Charlotte did not give a ringing endorsement of Mom's cause, there is still some work to be done. The fact that Charlotte did not scream and yell and name call and swear like a sailor gives Mom hope that Charlotte is an undecided voter that a few strategically placed phone calls can sway.

In no particular order, Mom sets about dredging up all manner of indiscretions that she can recall, however inaccurately and however poorly informed, to sling some carefully aimed mud so that my sister's loyalty to me is shaken like a play-at-home version of Arlen Spector.

And this friends is how wars are won: Don't attack the enemy directly. Attempt to strip them of their allies so you can leave them vulnerable to all of their opponents.

There is nothing quite like a mother's unconditional love.