And Now a Word from Our Sponsors

We are all piled into a giant bed talking about 4 different topics at once. It is as though there are 7 TVs tuned to different stations all on at the same time. All tuned to shows with laugh tracks. All blaring. We are laughing to the point of tears.

We have coined a new term based Taffy’s uncanny ability to turn almost anything, quite by accident I think, into sexual innuendo. She is a double entendre machine. I am not even sure she means to do it, but everything from ordering coffee, to buying a souvenir, to buckling her seatbelt is fraught with risque suggestion. We have decided she has a pronounced case of Sexual Tourettes.

The term strikes my funny bone spot on. I have a love affair with words. Verbal expression to me is the highest form of being human. To express well is to be fully evolved. Even a good swear word has its place, dammit.

And then Priscilla gets an idea. We should all agree on one nonsense word, one that is has a sexual tourettesy sort of flair to it – a word that we will all use, as a verb, a noun, an adjective, and adverb in conversation all over town tonight. A word that will leave people scratching their heads, but only on the inside where no one can see. Because no one will want to admit to a pretty girl that they have no clue what she’s just said. Or just said and got them to laugh along with her about. Or worse, admit that they aren’t sure they’ve been complimented, insulted, propositioned or told to go fly a kite.

Priscilla has yet another priceless thought. She has a word we can use. The perfect white elephant, sexual tourettesy term. It came from her Word of the Day online subscription. In truth it means to cobble or piece something together. To us, it will mean much more.

The word is “spatchcock.”

It is perfection.

I just spatchcocked the hell out of my hair.
If you weren’t such a spatchcock, she’d be dancing with YOU instead.
You got a little spatchcock on your shirt.
Will you watch this while I go spatchcock?
You have quite a spatchcock going there!
He’s such a &*^%$#@ spatchcock.
If you are low on spatchcock, I have some to spare.
Will you look at the spatchcock on that guy?
Care to spatchcock?
A round of spatchcocks!
Where’d you get a spatchcock like that?

All we need to do is get where we are going tonight to leave chaos and havoc in our collective spatchcocking wake.