Wednesday, January 19, 2011

I'm Dreaming of a White Christmas

It's early for snow but darn it we are getting our fair share. Early and often. Bring on the white Christmas that the Binger was dreaming about. Just like the ones I used to know.

Oh, and bring on the 4WD and snow tires and de-icer while you are at it, please.

One three hour commute home while the Malibu Barbies of the world timidly attempt to drive in an 8th of an inch of snow, and I am ready to exit my vehicle and open a vein.

I am inching along at a snail's pace while my neighboring motorists make frivolous lane changes, crowd into gridlocked intersections and generally misbehave.

Especially the two dimwits who gently tap one another's bumpers inadvertently and need to exchange insurance information immediately. I swear I have had more serious accidents pushing a grocery cart. "Hello, High Risk Drivers...are there any injuries? Then puh-lease move your auto-mo-biles off the road so the world can resume spinning on its axis!"

I am within an inch of the limits of sanity when I arrive at my house. And before I dash to my closet to change - because I HAVE A DATE - I see that I have a missed call from Charlotte.

I dial in to the really annoying phone system and after numerous inane calls (Why leave a message if it is really that stupid a topic? I am not lonely and do not need to hear another human voice just to have the will to get up and put my feet on the floor one more day) I hear Charlotte's message. It is like a warning. One of those sirens on the TV that would direct you to a bomb shelter if necessary.

"Hey - It's me. Just checking in. I've heard from Mom. Call me back. I need to talk to you before I talk to her."

Maybe I should warn my date. I come from a dangerously unstable family. Aside from my sister and her immediate family, the Addams Family would have made more favorable potential in-laws. We are a hornets nest he has no idea is hiding nearby.

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