Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?

So no, there are no wailing disembodied voices in the night, or any poltergeist messages to my children from the TV's white noise, or any blankets strung up on clotheslines to resemble flying apparitions a la the Brady Bunch.

There are just these subtle signs.

There was another such sign when I settled my (acrimonious) divorce. Have I mentioned that divorce, in all its shapes and forms, is about the least fun thing you can ever undertake?

I don't know how my divorce stacks up against anyone else's on the Charlie Sheen Acrimony Scale, but it was one of the most unenjoyable, no-when-we-look-back-on-this-in-ten-years-it-will-not-be-remotely-funny periods in my otherwise enjoyable if not peculiar life.

So when my divorce proceedings reached fever pitch, and we had a last ditch run at settlement (Read that: "Settlement in lieu of painful lengthy expensive litigation that will suck the will to live right out of you and cost your children years of anything resembling happiness) I was cautiously hopeful. And apprehensive. And, well, guilty. Guilty that that SOB with the streety survival instinct , an iffy relationship with honesty, and a serious pain-pills-washed-down-with-beer self medicating problem that left him dark and disturbed and mean, would be taking my money and my time with my children to play Disneyland Dad and subtle little "you can't love us both, if you love Mommy, Daddy will leave" games.

Note - to any of you contemplating jumping onto the Divorce-A-Go-Round: Choose your lawyer wisely. They will all take your money and some of them really are only working out their own bitterness with your situation. Even the most peaceable partings have the potential for bringing out someone's inner OJ, their inner Heather Mills, or morphing you both into a copycat Minnelli/Gest storyline, or worse, the Baldwin/Bassinger fable. (http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/24712537/ns/today-entertainment/)

Your lawyer should keep you focused on two important terms (and not losing all of your muscle mass in the inevitable Marital Discord Diet): "Equitable Distribution" and "Dissolution of Marriage."

Not "Pillage and Plunder" because you are humiliated by her multiple affairs, this last one being with the parish priest who was giving you marriage counseling.

Not "Evisceration of Your Marital Partner" because after you dealt with his multiple lay-offs and paid for him to go back to school - twice- the second time for some frivolous degree he just had to earn, and decided to pursue moments after the episiotomy was sutured following the delivery of your second child, he became a maniacal whack job and decided he should have 60% of everything, the house, the better car, the kids, alimony and child support, so he can take frequent exotic vacations to convince your kids how much he loves them.

Equitable. (Look it up!)

Distribution (Yes, someone is going to have to part with something.)

Dissolution. (It is just over. Let it be.)

Of Marriage. (Try to remember that you loved each other once, and your kids still do.)

Get out. Pay if you have to. You will get back your happiness. But not until it's over. Let it end.