I Dream of Jeannie

The next day was J.'s birthday. We had promised to meet him and the girls at a restaurant near his home to celebrate once more. (Given the events of the past few days, I didn't care if he wanted a motorcade and fireworks. We would accommodate.) My son was an easy sell - cake and the opportunity to see the NHL playoff game surrounded by 11 different flat screen TVs? Count him in!

My daughter was a harder sell...she was a gal with a budding social profile and there was another Middle School Orientation tonight. We stood in the bathroom, adjusting various things in the mirror and chatting.

"But Mom," she said. "The kids are encouraged to attend with their parents!"

"But, sweetie," I said, mimicking her. "You went last week with your class! This is for kids who don't already have a brother in 6th grade and whose parents don't know the ropes!"

"Derek doesn't have a brother in 6th grade" she said softly. Oh. Social Butterfly wanted to be the tour guide for 5th Grade Class Hottie. Can't say it wasn't a brilliant idea.

But still. "Honey, Derek is really smart and cool and confident. He won't be there with his parents. But I bet that snot-nosed whiner Alice will be."

Mission accomplished. Back to primping.

She looked at me in the mirror and seemed to be admiring my outfit. Had to admit it was quite cute. Tailored pencil skirt with an off-kilter plaid and oversized button closure. Coordinating twin set. Black roach killer pumps. Chunky jewelry. Perfection.

She stepped back and took a full length look and asked, "Mom, is it 50's day in your office?" I may as well have been wearing Mom Jeans. Cropped acid-wash Mom Jeans.

Wore the Laura Petrie outfit anyway and went to work, and immediately afterwards, like a bat out of hell, I raced home, inspected faces and hair and the condition of outfits, jammed the kids and J.'s gifts into the car, and went back out into the Wacky Racers episode that had been the evening's rush hour.

Forty minutes later, we squealed into the parking lot, huffed out of the car and into the cool darkness of the restaurant. I spotted J. from the bar and walked toward the dining room.

And as I drew nearer, my eyes adjusted. I approached the table to find it surrounded by not only J. and his girls, but Endora, Sheila and one of the nieces.

If only I could nod my head and blink and simply vanish.