Danger, Falling Rock

So I am pondering again (the unemployed's favorite hobby) about something I've pondered for months now.

Not all the time. Just when something bubbles to the surface and makes me think about something I've safely filed away in a file that is labeled "Dangerous Substance - Do Not Open."

I remember when Scott vaporized into nothingness like it was yesterday.  The bewildered sense of disbelief that THIS could actually be happening. The man in whose hands I had placed my heart was cleaning out his closet and came across Our Relationship and decided to put it in the Donation pile with threadbare sweaters and child-sized sporting equipment. Put it all in big black plastic bags and put it at the curb with a sign that read "FREE."

I had been baffled. Stunned. Confused.  I was replaying and reviewing every last detail of the preceding days, weeks, months looking for some kind of clue. Something that would shine like a beacon as if to say, "Here I am!  This is the thing you did that made him do an illegal U-turn and leave skid marks on his way out!"

I remember telling everyone that our relationship had been utterly without problems. We were happy. We were solid. I had no worries.

But as we all know there had been a few speed bumps.  The Facebook activity had been troubling.  Chatting up the Drill Team bimbo and the low-budget UPS girl was a Problem.  With a capital P. That rhymes with C. That stands for Castration if I ever get so much as a whiff that you are doing that again.

And his way of having resolved that problem was like the guy who is gay and goes into the priesthood to hide from his feelings. You can't get into trouble if all access is denied.

Scott boycotted Facebook. He was on Facebook so seldomly that he struggled to remember his password to go on and send Pat a birthday message.

But what appeared as a warning sign only after I'd missed it at least a hundred times was this:  If he is never on Facebook, then he is never "accepting" things on his Timeline.  So anyone looking at my Timeline would see that it is splashed with photos and activities that would spell out F-A-M-I-L-Y to anyone that is looking.  Scott and I and our kids on vacation. Scott and I jet skiing. Scott and I at Graduation. Scott and I and the kids at Thanksgiving. Scott and I with his sister's family at Easter. Scott and I getting a puppy. Scott and I throwing a birthday party.  Scott and I refinishing his living room floor. Scott and I on a weekend in the Poconos with my cousin and her beau. Scott and I on a 5-day romp in the Keys.

But on his Timeline, there were none of those things. Not accepting them kept them from appearing. No sign of them. No sign of me.

On his Timeline, he appeared single.