The Game, Part Deux

I sit in the lobby, probably mouth-breathing in amazement over the gap between my first impression and my next impression.

I am interviewing for a critical leadership position in a growing company whose pace for growth is being set by Healthcare Reform, which won't be patient with any failures to hire adequate talent in adequate volume. It is a key role. Why are we interviewing using the New Grad Interview Playbook?

And THAT was their A Player? THAT was the The Most Likely To Succeed? THAT was their Top Gun? I wouldn't hire her for a back-of-the-house clerical position, much less trust her to net the Big Fish. Holy cow. If I come here I'm going to have to fire them all and start from scratch.

Maybe that is what The Big Cheese thinks, too. Maybe. I'll have to keep my eyes open for indications  of her opinion...and assume nothing in the meantime. Remain neutral. Get the job today. Roll heads tomorrow. No need to line up the firing squad now.

And then The Big Cheese walks into the lobby. Well, waddles in, actually. To be perfectly truthful, it was more of a shuffle, pantyhose sparking beneath the caftan from the chub rub and threatening to set the whole polyester mess ablaze, killing us all with its smoldering, noxious fumes.

I rise and extend my hand to shake hers, smiling into her eyes. Or where her eyes are likely to be, since 2/3 of her jowly face is concealed by very large framed, highly reflective, pint glass eyeglasses. They must weigh a ton. I am imagining they've crushed her septum already. That would account for the Lisa Loopner-ishness of her speaking voice.

The handshake is limp. And clammy, natch. I am mentally rifling through my bag for hand sanitizer.

I follow her (and I swear there was a little trail of smoke) into her office and we sit on opposite sides of an insanely oversized table. She is at least shouting distance away. It is very unfriendly. She hands me a job description and has to fling it me, as if across an air hockey table.

And she begins.

"I'd like to ask you some questions..."

Let's hope so. I didn't come here to have my tea leaves read.

"Tell me about a time when..."

And a dense fog crosses before my eyeballs.