Contestant Number One...

Miley was the first or second canidate I contacted. The first had great credentials, but wanted to bring the two year old she was committed to watching. Ummm, no thanks, I think my kids would strangle the little angel when push came to shove and there was an imminent coin toss to decide Barney v. ICarly on a rainy afternoon. And besides, who does that?

Miley responded right away. From her picture she looked like she could be Hil fast forwarded a few years. She is a college student, has great experience and is home for Spring Break (as opposed to topless in Ft. Lauderdale) next week. The only bummer is that she is really looking for more full time work. The hours each day are fine, but the off week is hard to forfeit from a college tuition standpoint.

I totally get that.

Time to face the inevitable phone call to Lars. Under the best of circumstances, with no issues on the table, and only some benign topic like "the kids both made honor roll" on the docket, conversation with Lars is bizarrely unpredictable. I ask Miley what I am about to approach Lars with.

I write, "If you are interested, I could approach the kids' father about you sitting for him on his weeks as well. What do you think?" I had already explained the custody arrangement in the ad. And the fact that I have a cat, just in case there were allergy sufferers who would otherwise be interested.

She thinks the idea is great. I suggest that if all goes well, we may be able to arrange for her to meet everyone while she is home on break.

And then I call Lars.

I am not sure what meds he's started taking in vast amounts, but he was unusually agreeable. I gave him a thumbnail sketch of my plan for the summer, letting him read into the whole thing the notion that I will NOT be splitting the expenses for camp, especially for camp the kids hate, and that I am not getting use of, and at the usual court-ordered 58% to his 42% split. He can go his way, and I mine. Miley not withstanding.

He asked about pricing and I told him. I will hit him up for half the pool membership and half the site fee later. He said that there would be no tax write off of the expense and I told him I'd considered that. He said it would be cheaper than camp and aftercare, except for Pat who could do some junior counselor work for free thing (no thanks). And then he said he'd be interested.

And once I recovered from fainting, I called Miley back and set up an interview. Things were looking good!

Which could only mean one thing. Some asshole was going to come along and screw up the whole deal. Some asshole whose name is probably Lars.