They Really Are a Scree-am

It's like in the movies - when the local police are handling a crime scene investigation quite competently and the FBI shows up and just takes over. You know how the police feel. They are doing a fine job, but the Big Guys show up and they have to give up their position.

That's what it's like with Estelle weighs in from the Sunny South.

My sister has had issues with my brother before. She has only recently begun to include him in any family affairs at all. His long and disappointing record of social and other misconduct has created a No Fly Zone. A persona non grata order. A No-Shoes-No-Shirt-No-Service sign. All that is missing is a moat with ravenous snapping crocodiles doing laps around her home.

Out of deference to my mother, (and after being worn down by the incessant pre-holiday haranguing last year) my sister had cautiously, tepidly, reluctantly extended an olive branch and had included my brother and his family in a few carefully controlled family events. He was, as I recall, grateful to have made some progress in this situation. He wanted desperately to repair the damage to the relationships, but I knew it would be short lived. Because I know my brother and I know human nature.

He still had not accepted even a sliver of responsibility for his offenses and his contribution to the damage done. He genuinely had convinced himself (or allowed himself to be convinced...) that his shrew wife was the sole source of all the tension. (I will gladly be the first to confirm that she has proved herself to be the most hideous, offensive, unbalanced choice of spouses my brother could have made - like Sandy with a lower IQ). But in the absence of some acceptance of his culpability in the journey that led us to this point, his behavior, his nature, he, himself, were the enemy. He would not be able to help himself, because he'd felt no responsibility to change, and therefore his true colors would show themselves soon enough.

And as the first half of the calendar year winds down, and the All Star break ushers in the second half, Estelle's thoughts turn quite naturally ahead to the holidays - and she will use her August birthday to ask "Please, for my birthday, will someone plan to invite your brother for Christmas?" (without adding, "because Bill will not darken his door so long as his beastly wife could come charging out of her lair to pounce!")

To nip that in the bud, my sister calls my mother to let her know in no uncertain terms, that no matter how many teary, hand wringing pleas there are, our brother will not be welcome at the holidays. Start making alternate plans now.

And of course, that statement is owed the support of an explanation.

And this is where closing arguments become important. Arguing with the Master is not for the poorly prepared, or the faint of heart. And the Mouth of the South is poised for a fight.