The Addams Family Started When Uncle Fester Farted

The golfers and their handlers and their fans and oglers and caddies and media people have thankfully left the course for the day. There are a few greens keepers (or whatever the pseudo-professional name for them is these days) still walking around the periphery of the property with things that look like common rakes but are probably called something sounding more specialized. (Multi-pronged, long handled aerating basal meristem transporters)



At some point during the inane conversation with my brother, I'd managed to ascertain which door was left unlocked, and that it was not standing open. It was one that faced the backyard and the course, so an easy entrance for any wandering golf enthusiast with sticky fingers or a small bladder.



I walk in and assign my children their respective duties - She is to find the cat (hopefully inside the house...) and he is to make sure the XBox is turned off and not heating up leaving burn marks on the furniture.



Cat found. Check. XBox off. Check. Cat poop in family room by ping pong table because he was stuck in there when the intruders left. Check.



I call my brother-in-law and make sure I know how things are supposed to be left. (The cat poop not really a question...) In the mean time, my daughter (the aspiring veterinary student) offers to responsibly pick up an stow the cat feces. My son finds and disposes of an empty drinking glass in the living room, and flushes the toilet left to stagnate in one of the bathrooms. Nice.



My BIL and I discuss options. My sister is sleeping blissfully unaware of the latest developments and he is contemplating making a call to my brother himself. I agree that perhaps a call from someone other than a sister or mother would make an impression. If he calls, it is business. If my sister or mother or I call, it is just one more thing we are being bitchy about.

We discuss how to lock and secure, and I reassure him that he is not being crazy about the intrusion. J. has a key to my house and still calls when he is going to stop in while I am at work and he is on the road to an appointment. It is common courtesy, even if the person is welcome (and frankly, J. is free to watch my TV and use my computer...he also regularly picks up the mail and empties the dishwasher in return)

My BIL remains calm and calls. He explains to my brother that he is very concerned that he would violate a trust like that, and further that even an hour after discovering he'd been busted (in a phone call from me) that he'd not called to apologize for the faux pas.

And by then my sister had awakened from a much needed nap, had been briefed on the sordid details by one of her boys, and was ranting in the kitchen while the men spoke, figuratively speaking, anyway. And my brother, being a social nimbus, couldn't resist his adolescent urge to make a disparaging comment about her --- to her husband, hello.

Never a smart move - even less so when you should be begging forgiveness and are not yet.

The first shots of war are across the bow and it looks like it's going to be a bumpy night. We already have a triangular situation worked up and in motion. Next stop, Estelle. Which side of that DMZ she fortifies will make all the difference in the world.