Funny As A Crutch, Rich

Just when push was coming to shove (What does that mean, exactly? Estelle? Anyone?) the Earth seemed to shift on its axis again.

At the exact crossroads where one of us what going to have to face the inevitable and as a matter of saving face, throw down the gauntlet (Where do I even get a gauntlet?) there was a turn of events so enormous, so unexpected, so precisely timed it had to be the Grace of God.

I am not suggesting that this turn was a good thing. It most definitely was not. In fact it is so heinous and uncommonly horrible that I can not even write about it here. Satire would miss its mark.

But it happened. And it set wheels in motion that will probably pick up speed and begin to smoke in a matter of minutes.

And who, you might ask, might be the wizard behind the curtain for this particular epic drama?

Drum roll, please.

Sandy.

Yes, Sandy. J.'s former little ray of scorching, searing, cancer-causing sunshine. She with the disposition of the Tasmanian Devil and a voice that sounds as though she regularly swallows tacks.

Sandy for reasons that most of humanity would find baffling, did something so violating and appalling, so crushing and destructive that it will likely be the subject of lengthy, drama-filled litigation . Papers are being prepared to be served even now.

She has hatched lots of self righteous, self serving, singularly focused schemes before. Always at other people's enormous misery and expense. She has done some unspeakable things to the people closest to her, always having somehow justified her actions by convincing herself that they somehow deserved it or were careless and oh-well-s***-happens. "Perhaps if you had been more careful I would not have needed to punish you/hurt you/humiliate you in this way." (*Note - This is a woman who has been known to break into fits of hysterical laughter over such things as fatal youth choir tour bus accidents.)

And, surrounded by sycophants like her sister with the Home-for-the-Criminally-Insane haircut, and her brother, Tube-socks-and-Barcalounger, there was little chance that she would ever change her destructive entitlement approach to human interaction. She was always a ticking time bomb.

And today she blew up in all of our faces.