Truth or Consequences

A few days went by - I was hopeful and therefore, planning. My kids would need Easter outfits which would easily translate to wedding outfits. I saw a trip to the Mall on the horizon. A navy blazer and Bucks for him, and maybe a real tie that I could teach him to knot. She'd need the complete ensemble: dress, wrap, shoes and jewels. We'd need a round of hair cuts. I already have a fabulous dress earmarked for the Big Day, oddly in the same shade of raspberry sherbet we've been hearing about. (And no, Em, you do not own the color, I believe Lilly Pulitzer does and has for decades!)

Before I could swipe my credit card even once, the moment of Truth arrived. I hurried to pluck the shower invitation out of the mailbox. And yes, it was addressed using my married name (ugh!) ...misspelled no less. (Really?) I almost missed the obvious.

It was addressed to me. Me, alone. Again.

The bride's playbook would surely dictate that the invitation include my daughter if she were invited to the wedding. Did Em fumble the snap or was something more sinister afoot? I called J. to give him my bride-speak translation of the latest smoke signal. He decided it was time to call Sheila and just ask the question.

Later that night, J. and I spoke on the phone and eventually the conversation turned to the newly deciphered plan for the Big Day. J. attempted to explain the blueprints.

My kids were not going to be invited. Period. Even if we paid for them to attend. It is a "no kid" wedding.

But it wasn't. There were a few kids in the wedding. Some of them quite a bit younger than our tweens. And how can it be explained to two of the tweens that the other tween was invited and they weren't, simply based on their ages? The "no kid" defense would ring false. Everyone knows kids are short, not stupid. And everyone knows you don't break up a set.

And why all the mystery? Why wasn't J. given the courtesy of a phone call months ago when this plan was obviously hatched? I am the first to admit that there is scant reliable advice on how to handle some of these modern day family configurations and the situations they create. I planned my wedding the same year Estelle married Bill. All of a sudden I had two siblings with whom I'd not grown up whose families I needed to consider. But consider them, I did. I called and asked what would feel right to everyone.

And so, acknowledging that there is a huge dearth of useful information on this subject, and your conscience is your only guide, why did Sheila's conscience, and Em's conscience, and Chuck's and his parents' for that matter... why did their collective conscience guide them to so offhandedly dismiss an issue of such monumental importance to J.?

The question, now asked and answered, revealed much more than I'd hoped to learn. I was upset for J. I was upset for me. I was wounded for my kids. And after a bout of tears and some terse language, I was rational. As much as I'd love to step out in my perfect pink dress with my perfectly turned out children, on the arm of the man I love, I would have to take a seat on the bench and sit this one out.

We had the Truth.
And now the Consequences were clear.