We're On The Road To Nowhere

And as the summer wears on, I have some big revelations. And I have some small revelations, too. Spending two to three hours a day in the woods communing with nature but otherwise alone in my head will do that.

I can say this now, though it was not so obvious as each days dripped by: My mother never once called to ask me how I was doing. How I was doing with my job search. How I was doing emotionally. How I was doing financially. How I was doing personally.

Not that I need her pity. Or her money or a pep talk or even something that resembles friendship.

But it strikes me as odd that with the year I've had --Scott vaporizing into nothingness without warning and then my abrupt departure from my job without the benefit of a soft landing in a new one
-- she never once managed to soften her heart, warm her blood, lay down her sword, (lower that voice!) and call me to check in --if only on my sanity and the safety of my children who depend on it.

No. She told Charlotte how upset she was that Scott had broken my heart. (Check the box.)

She told Charlotte that she hoped I found a smashing new job. (Check box #2.)

But she could not for even one minute extend her hand to hold mine, even figuratively, for one minute.

No call.
No note.
No card with ten bucks in it so I can take myself out for a beer.

Yet, when I spaced on Bill's birthday and did not send a card, (Why I am even obligated is beyond me - his own daughter is not held to that standard) she picked up the phone and called to say she was "sure it is in the mail" but in case I'd forgotten to get it to the mailbox, she wanted to let me know it had not arrived yet, but he'd had a great birthday.

Nice try, Mom. We all know that buying and mailing a card to Bill falls somewhere between vacuuming the closet ceilings and alphabetizing the spice cabinet in order of importance. As in not.
Not.
At.
All.

And by comparison, other people in my life were so supportive!  Charlotte - her FRIENDS! And my friends - and their MOTHERS! And my former classmates and colleagues - and their PARENTS! My cousins - their SPOUSES! It nearly made me cry.

But from Mom?

Zero.
Zip.
Zilch.
Goose eggs.

Which is about what our relationship has come to mean to me.