Hello, You Must Be Going

I have absolutely no interest in what lies in peices at the base of the fireplace. I am sure it is a gore-fest. No thanks.  I will remain in the darkened kitchen.  The boys can scoop up the carcas in the dark with their x-ray glasses on. 

Kate and I clink our beer glasses. The deed is done. The curtain has fallen on the drama.  The beast has been slayed.

Karl appears in the kitchen, rips a few papertowels off the roll and says a few patronizing words.  He returns to Bo and the deceased and we roll our eyes.

And then Karl turns into a 10 year old. Holding the dead bat in a wad of paper towels, he re-enters the kitchen, the shit-eating grin having returned to his face.

"Look what I have!" he says, moving into the kitchen and in our direction.

We squeal and turn our backs. If I can't see it, it isn't there, right? 

He's right behind us, threatening to put it on some part of our persons. I am sure it is just to see the eternally cool girls go completely ballistic, squeal like toddlers and do the Get It Off Me dance.

Not on my watch.

I pick up the cast iron skillet from the sink and spin around.  In the most deadly serious tone I can muster I threaten to brain Karl with the skillet in such a way that his mother will cry herself to sleep at night when she sees what I've done to him. 

Shit-eating grin still affixed to his face, he leaves the kitchen through the back door, trots down the steps and places the cadaver in the trash can. I am sure it will smell like a bed of roses by trash day.

He returns with a pitcher of beer.

"What do we have for food around here?" he asks as he pours another round. (Bo is polishing his gun.) 

"I have one Bubba burger, no roll. And some banana chips." Read that, "Nothing. So don't get any ideas about Betty and Wilma creating a feast for Fred and Barney just becasue they hunted down the brontosaurus."

Kate says, "I have hummus and crackers." 

Karl snarks, "I was just thinking I'd love some hummus and crackers!" 

And I was just thinking, "Don't put the gun away so quickly, Bo. I think I may eventually want to blow my brains out."

We eat hummus. We drink beer. Kate discovers she also has a jar of peanuts in her purse. (What?) Karl discovers Jack's home-infused lime-cilantro tequila and some glasses.

It's turned into a fraternity party.  And it is only 8 pm on a Friday night.