Moscow Rule 9 - Pick the Time and Place for Action

The time and place for action was any other time but the present and any other place than on the phone.

I know from decades of experience that Mom can be counted on for very little, except for drama and a lot of yelling. Keeping a plan, not so much. As unpredictable as a summer storm, Mom can move in a thousand directions at top speed, and is as hard to follow as a cockroach when the lights have just some on.

The planner in me wants to get it all ironed out in advance. Tell Mom - OK, tell Charlotte since Mom and I aren't exactly speaking (I repeat, this is so stupid) - that Mom is of course (Duh!) welcome in my home at Christmas. With bells on! But that I am going to wind down the evening at 6 pm when I take my children, and anyone who wants to grab a Road Coke and go, to Mass at Our Lady of Condemnation for Christmas Eve Mass before depositing them tearfully at their father's for what remains of the holiday double header. And then, I will return home, run a comb through my hair, gargle with something minty, reapply lipstick, spritz with perfume and do any other szhszhing that needs to be done (Thank you Carson, for the most excellent word!) and await the arrival of my Christmas present to me, Scott.

So Mom needs to be in her vehicle, Road Coke and all, and en route to the Lushes before Scott darkens my door, and not padding around my house in her Ooomphies and flannels remarking about all the decor that has changed since the last visit, pouring wine and popping in the family videos.

But that is ill advised. A planner and a fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pantser are always at odds with how to handle anything more than 10 seconds in the future.

Chances are, Mom will change her plans, or even has changed her plans without notification to Charlotte, 3 or 4 times since their last confab. I could go and make sure that everyone's expectations about Christmas Eve are calibrated correctly (and with sensitivity and respect) and inadvertently create a shit storm of rants about my selfishness and self absorption completely unnecessarily.

So for now, I will do nothing.

Nothing except keep my ear to the ground, await intel from Charlotte, and keep my fingers crossed.